


Vanderweek 2018

by PhoenixSavant



Series: Vanderweek 2018 [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Jealousy, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reflection, Romance, smut hinted but not detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:38:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15219326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixSavant/pseuds/PhoenixSavant
Summary: A story about Vanderwood and Jaehee's relationship, start to ... well, to new beginning.HC note:  I HC that Vanderwood's first name is Marion, which is why Saeyoung calls him Mary all the time.WARNING!  This series contains violence, character death, PTSD, Night terrors, and other possible triggers.  Especially Day 3 and 7.





	1. Day 1: Guardian

                Jaehee stepped up to the white-haired actor, her eyes sparkling.  She’d known Zen for a couple of years now, but that didn’t stop her from feeling overwhelmed when she was face to face with him.  The only real benefit was that she got to talk to him every day, and that made her entire life bearable. 

                “Zen!” she exclaimed, drawing his attention.  “That was an absolutely amazing performance!  I can’t remember being moved to tears so suddenly before!” 

                “Jaehee!”  Zen’s face lit up as he smiled and stretched his hand toward her.  “I didn’t mean to make you cry!  Come here!”  He clasped her fingers and pulled her through the throng of fans.  His arms folded around her as he hugged her tightly.  “Tell me the tears were worth it?” 

                “Of course they were,” she laughed, pulling away from him.  “If you ever need anyone to watch you rehearse, I’ll be ready with more tears, laughter, whatever you need.”  Her eyes crinkled softly as her laughter overtook her speech. 

                Zen gazed down at Jaehee with a serious expression.  He cupped her chin in his fingers, silencing her laughter immediately.  “I hope you have fewer tears because of me, not more.”  He fixed his eyes on Jaehee’s face intently for a moment before winking rakishly at her.

                Jaehee gasped, flustered enough that she was confident her entire face was red.  “Zen!  You can’t _say_ such things!”  She laughed nervously.  “I have to go.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

                “You bet!” Zen grinned, waving as Jaehee retreated and he turned back to his fans.

                Jaehee ducked into the bathroom on her way out of the theater.  Two years and he could still undo every ounce of composure she had with a single line.  She was thankful not to be in love with him because that man was just too much for one woman to handle! 

                She turned to leave after wiping her face with a damp paper towel and collided with another woman.  “Oh!  I’m so sorry!  I didn’t see you!”

                The other woman grunted and squinted her eyes at Jaehee.  “You know he talks like that to all his fans, right?” 

                Jaehee blinked.  “Zen?  Well, of course he does.  He appreciates all of his fans incredibly, and would never favor one over the others.” 

                “You act like you know him.” 

                “Well, yes, I do.” 

                “You wish,” the strange woman snorted.  She turned abruptly and left the bathroom.

                Jaehee shook her head in disbelief.  Some of Zen’s fans lacked sense, and some were just rude.  She didn’t care though.  She’d gotten away from the office to see him on stage again!  She made her way outside and hailed a cab, her happiness so complete that it was incapable of being sogged out by some random fan.

                Once home, she prepared for bed, stopping only to look through the program from the show again before turning out her light and sleeping with a smile so wide it ached. 

                Jaehee wasn’t smiling when she opened the door to her home the next morning.  Instead, she slammed the door shut and flipped the locks quickly, gasping for air.  She dialed Jumin before she had a chance to think. 

                “Mr. Han, I apologize to call so early,” she spoke slowly when his voicemail answered.  “Something disturbing has happened.  I think I need to call the police.  At any rate, I’m going to be late to work today.  I’ll call again as soon as there is an update.” 

                Still stunned, but feeling less like she was going to lose her breakfast, Jaehee began thinking of who else she could call for help.  She didn’t want the police involved.  Zen’s career didn’t need reporters catching wind of what she’d just seen.  She only knew one person who could keep a secret properly.

                “Jaehee?” MC answered groggily.  “What’s going on?  Are you ok?”

                “MC, I’m sorry to call so early.  Is Sev-, I mean Saeyoung, is he available?” 

                “He’s sleeping.  Is it important?  No, nevermind, you wouldn’t call so early if it wasn’t.  Hold on.” 

                Jaehee heard MC set the phone down and murmur in the background.  Saeyoung’s voice whined and complained briefly.  Jaehee heard her name spoken and Saeyoung was on the phone.

                “What happened, Jaehee?  What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice full of concern. 

                “Saeyoung, I think someone, well, I don’t know what happened.  I opened the door, and there were pictures of Zen, and pictures of he and I talking after his show last night.  It smelled awful, and I think there was blood and, something else.  I don’t know why anyone ….” Jaehee’s voice shook from the shock of the scene outside her door. 

                “We’ll be right there.  Close the curtains, stay inside, don’t open the door until I call and tell you we’re there.” 

                Jaehee heard Saeyoung calling for someone as MC returned to the phone.

                “Are you alright?” MC asked, worried about her friend.  “Saeyoung doesn’t just leap out of bed like that for nothing.  What’s going on?”

                “Hopefully nothing,” Jaehee responded in what she hoped was a dismissive tone.  “It seems one of Zen’s fans has decided to try to warn me away.” 

                “Oh, you’re kidding!” MC laughed.  “That fan better get her head on straight in a hurry.  Zen doesn’t play around when his friends are threatened!” 

                “I couldn’t agree more,” Jaehee stated.  “Look, I’m going to go make some tea.  I’ll talk to you later, alright?  And, do me a favor, don’t tell Zen about this?  I don’t want anything to disturb him when he has another show tonight.” 

                “You’re a sweetheart, Jaehee.  Of course I won’t tell him.  I’ll make sure the guys know, too.  Let me know when everything is clear though, alright?” 

                “I will, of course,” Jaehee promised.  She ended the call and set her phone on the kitchen counter.  Tea was the least of what she needed right now.  Her mind would not remove the image of what had waited outside her door or that horrible smell. 

                Jaehee didn’t even finish the tea she brewed for herself before her phone rang again.  Saeyoung’s number showed on the screen as she tapped the button to answer the call.  Tension bled out from her shoulders, leaving her feeling like going straight back to bed.

                “Saeyoung?” she asked.

                “Yeah, we’re here.  Mind letting me in?”

                “I’ll be right there,” Jaehee responded.  She was already halfway to the door.

                When she opened the door, Saeyoung stepped in, his red hair clearly unbrushed and still spiked on one side from sleep.  She would have laughed at any other time.  This morning, he looked like an angel.

                “Thank you for coming so quickly,” Jaehee said apologetically.  “I tried to call Mr. Han, but he didn’t answer.” 

                “It’s no trouble,” Saeyoung shrugged.  “He’d just have sent guards and called me.  You just skipped the middleman.”  He looked around at Jaehee’s home, and it occurred to her that he’d never been inside her apartment before.  “That smell was spoiled chicken liver, by the way.  It’s one of the worst smells someone can get without getting into chemicals.  We got everything bagged, and there’s something we can use to clear the smell from the carpet.” 

                “Oh!  You said ‘we’ but I didn’t see Saeran.  He can come in, too.”  Jaehee offered feeling sheepish at her belated extension of hospitality.  “Would either of you like something to drink?” 

                “Well, I’m not Saeran, but I’d love some coffee if you have any.  I didn’t get any before we left.”  A man stepped into Jaehee’s living room.  He was slightly taller than Saeyoung.  Light brown hair fell from a ponytail band and cascaded around his face.  Warm, brown eyes swept the room, missing nothing.

                Jaehee watched the man’s hair fall like a caramel dream and her breath caught in her throat.  She looked at Saeyoung in surprise.  Who was this man?

                “Jaehee, this is Vanderwood.  Vandy, Jaehee,” Saeyoung introduced briefly. 

                “As in Miss Mary Vanderwood, your maid?” Jaehee blinked.

                Vanderwood rolled his eyes.  “One of these days you’re going to pay for that,” he grumbled at Saeyoung.  To Jaehee, he shook his head slightly.  “I was only the maid because he was such a slob.  We were partners with the agency.  When he saved his brother, he pulled me out, too.”  He extended a hand, continuing, “Vanderwood is fine.  Sorry to meet you like this.”  He smiled slowly.

                Jaehee took Vanderwood’s hand, impressed by the strength of his grip.  She hoped the smile on her face was as smooth as his.  “Thank you,” she managed as she shook his hand.  “I appreciate you coming at such an early hour.” 

                Vanderwood shrugged, “No problem.  That mess needed to be handled.” 

                “Yes, but still, thank you,” she responded.  Jaehee realized she was still holding his hand and dropped it suddenly.  “I’ll get you that coffee.”  She turned to her kitchen, feeling a strange warmth on her face. 

                Vanderwood and Saeyoung talked as Jaehee made coffee, discussing what to do with the mess they’d cleaned up.  When Jaehee returned, Vanderwood turned his attention to her. 

                “I’m sure you have been thinking about it already.  Do you have any idea who would have done this?” Vanderwood asked. 

                “I wish I did,” Jaehee answered with a frown.  “The only person I can think of is the woman who cornered me after Zen’s show last night.  She was fairly hostile.  I didn’t think anything of it because some of his fans get a bit… exuberant.” 

                “You mean obsessive,” Saeyoung countered.  “There’ve been several that he’s had me help with in the past.  Fortunately, the theater has security cameras.  I’ll check the recordings.”

                “If it’s just someone getting carried away, I think we can settle it quickly for you,” Vanderwood assured Jaehee.  “In the meantime, I don’t think you should be alone.  Is there anyone you can call who can stay with you?” 

                “No, not really.  I was going to go to the office though.  Mr. Han will be wondering where I’ve been.  Today was already scheduled to be insane.” 

                “Can you avoid it?” Vanderwood asked, looking concerned as he lifted his coffee cup. 

                “I can’t.”  Jaehee shook her head.  “I’ll be fine there, though.  The office has very tight security.” 

                Saeyoung coughed.  “It’ll suffice, but you shouldn’t stay alone until we can get this sorted.  When people get body parts, even animal parts, involved in this sort of thing, it can be dangerous.” 

                “I’ll have Mr. Han send me a couple of his guards tonight, then,” Jaehee promised.

                Vanderwood set his coffee mug down.  “No, I think I’ll just meet you after work, and if you don’t mind, I’ll take the couch tonight.  If this person comes back, a guard outside might not be enough.” 

                Saeyoung quirked an eyebrow at Vanderwood.

                “Well, I don’t mind,” Jaehee said slowly.  “Are you certain?  The couch isn’t the most comfortable.” 

                “I’ll feel better about it,” Vanderwood said firmly.  “I have a hunch.  I hope I’m wrong.” 

                “Why don’t we take you to the office?” Saeyoung offered.  “We have to go by there anyway.” 

                “Well, if it’s not out of your way, that will be helpful,” Jaehee agreed.  “Let me just clear up the coffee and gather my things.” 

                As Jaehee set about her tasks, Vanderwood gave Saeyoung a questioning look.  “Since when do we go past C&R to get to the bunker?”

                Saeyoung smirked.  “Since you started offering to stay the night to protect someone you don’t know yet.” 

                Vanderwood snorted but had no response.  Still, he was careful to exchange numbers with her and escorted her into the office.  He stayed long enough to explain the situation to Jumin and then left, promising to return as soon as Jaehee called at the end of the day. 

                He looked out the window, barely aware of the passing buildings as Saeyoung drove back to the bunker.  It wasn’t like him, he had to admit.  He wasn’t usually the one to go out of his way to protect someone.  What had it been about Jaehee that made him decide to do such a thing?  Was it because she didn’t go into hysterics?  Was it because she remained calm enough to go to work after a shock? 

                He crossed his arms and sunk more deeply into his seat with an irritable sound.  Too late to change it now.  It was only for a night, anyway. 

***

                The tests on the photos proved Saeyoung’s thought correct, they were smeared with chicken liver.  Whoever did it had used medical grade gloves though.  There were no prints or other material that could be used to trace the person. 

                Vanderwood was glad that Jaehee hadn’t seen the letter that was with the pictures.  It was a plain threat.  Shortly put, it said that if Jaehee went near Zen again, she’d be killed.  With no leads, Vanderwood paced the bunker while Saeyoung tried to get the video footage from the theater.

                Sadly, the footage was a dead end, too.  The woman who had harassed Jaehee left the bathroom and rejoined her friends.  She laughed, pointing back at the bathroom, clearly telling them what she’d done.  She was mean and petty, but not the person they were looking for. 

                Vanderwood threw a change of clothes into a bag, armed himself, and drove to a parking lot that afforded him a view of the C&R building.  He sat, waiting, watching the doors closely, until Jaehee called at the end of the day to tell him she was ready to go. 

                “Everything stay quiet?” he asked as the slender woman slid into the passenger seat beside him.

                Jaehee sighed and slid off her glasses.  “Aside from the usual office hell, yes.”  She dropped her glasses into a case in her purse.

                “You don’t need those to see?” Vanderwood asked, surprised. 

                “No, I don’t.  Mr. Han requires it.  It’s a long story.”  She waved his question aside and rolled her eyes.  “How about your day?  Did you and Saeyoung turn up anything?” 

                “No, sorry, nothing yet.”  Vanderwood pressed his lips together tightly.  He didn’t like telling Jaehee that he’d failed to restore her security to her.  He wanted to tell her that she could go back to her life now, not that she had to wait.

                “Well, I know that Saeyoung is very good at finding people.  I have every confidence that he’ll find answers soon,” Jaehee said resolutely.  “In the meantime, do you have a preference for dinner tonight?  If you’re staying at my place, I should probably provide you something more than a convenience store meal.” 

                Vanderwood felt something twitch in the back of his mind.  Saeyoung might be good at finding people, but _he_ was no slouch!  He shook his head, clearing his thoughts.  “ _Where did that come from?_ ” he wondered. 

                Responding to Jaehee’s question about dinner, he said, “Why don’t we just get something on the way then?  I know a shop that isn’t too far off the route.” 

                “That will be fine,” Jaehee agreed.  “As long as you don’t choose restaurants like Mr. Han does, I can manage a meal out.” 

                “Who said you were buying?” Vanderwood scoffed.

                “You do not expect that I will accept your protection and not at least provide a meal to repay your thoughtfulness, do you?” 

                “I appreciate the thought, but I’m not taking a woman to dinner and letting her pay for the meal.  I have some pride.”

                “Your pride will have to survive the slight, then.”  Jaehee turned, narrowing her eyes at Vanderwood.  “Either that or you can let me out, and I’ll call for a cab and go home alone.” 

                “Now look here,” Vanderwood started. 

                “Do I look like the sort of woman to play games?” Jaehee challenged.

                He stopped at a red light and glanced over at her.  No, she looked like the sort of woman to never say anything unless she meant it.  He sighed in resignation.  He couldn’t leave her alone with some stalker on the loose.  He’d figure out how to handle the cost of the meal another time.  The mission had to take priority. 

                “Fine, for tonight,” he acquiesced.  “Ramen alright with you?”

                “That sounds perfect after today,” she smiled, relaxing back in her seat.  “A soothing bowl of ramen will be just what’s needed.” 

                Vanderwood turned the car at the next corner, and they rode silently to the nearby shop.

                Once seated and their orders were taken, Vanderwood found himself drawn into a pleasant conversation with Jaehee.  They discussed politics, business trends, music, and more.  Vanderwood was quietly impressed.  Jaehee kept the conversation going, and on safe ground, well clear of any personal topics.  He knew this game well, talking to keep another party involved, but without giving out any information.  He wondered just how good she was and smiled inwardly. 

                As they shared their meal, Vanderwood tried to gently probe for information.  Jaehee turned his queries aside effortlessly.  She neither ignored nor answered them.  Vanderwood wondered where she’d learned conversation at this level.  By the time they left the restaurant, the only information he’d gotten from her was the name of her favorite band and that she’d enjoyed hiking while in college. 

                When they arrived at Jaehee’s apartment, Vanderwood had her wait in the car, borrowing her keys while he checked the hallway and made sure that her visitor had not returned.  Once it and her apartment were clear, he returned and retrieved his bag.  He followed Jaehee in, watching their surroundings closely. 

                While Vanderwood checked the windows and set up small cameras to monitor the exterior of the building, he noticed that Jaehee was becoming increasingly nervous.  Was it because he was staying there?  She didn’t seem the type to allow someone into her home if she wasn’t comfortable with them being there. 

                Completing his setup, Vanderwood turned to Jaehee.  “Are you feeling alright?” he asked, unsure how to bring up the topic otherwise.

                “Oh, yes, I’m fine,” Jaehee responded smoothly.  “I think I’m just going to go take a shower.  Make yourself at home.  There’s coffee and tea in the kitchen if you want anything before I get back.”  She scurried out of the room, closing the door to her bedroom.

                Vanderwood shrugged.  Women were strange to him, anyway.  He wasn’t going to give her a reason to feel uneasy around him.  Whatever the trouble was, it would pass.

                He fixed a cup of coffee and sent Saeyoung a message to get the feed from the cameras running.  Just as Vanderwood sat on the couch, he heard a phone ringing.  Looking around, he saw Jaehee’s phone on the counter.  He stood, picked up the phone without looking at the screen, and knocked on the bedroom door. 

                He knocked again, and though the call stopped, Vanderwood knew that Jumin had a habit of calling on her at all hours.  She should see who it was, at the least.  However, there was still no answer. 

                Vanderwood’s internal alarms came online, and he opened the door slowly.  He saw light coming from under a door across the room but heard no water running.  Instead, he heard what sounded like Jaehee crying.

                He flung the door open, ready to fight off whoever was hurting Jaehee.  The scene before him was not one he was prepared for.  He was ready for an intruder with at least a knife.  He was prepared for Jaehee to have been injured, perhaps gravely. 

                He was not prepared to find Jaehee, still in her suit from work, perched on the toilet, her laptop teetering on the edge of the sink, headphones plugged in, with tears streaming down her face.

                Jaehee jerked and her head whipped up as she covered her mouth with the tissue she had clearly been wiping her eyes with.  Her sudden movement unbalanced the laptop, and she dove for it as it fell toward the tile floor.  Her foot slid out behind her, and she emitted a single, surprised squeak as she tumbled after the computer.

                Vanderwood reached reflexively, catching both laptop and Jaehee, one on each arm.  He didn’t know if he was amused or angry.  He had thought something was _wrong_.  Still, Jaehee’s teary face peeking up at him shyly before looking away brought a chuckle rumbling up from his chest. 

                As Jaehee righted herself and retrieved her laptop from Vanderwood, she avoided looking at him.  Vanderwood fought down the laughter, knowing from Saeyoung’s descriptions in the past that laughing at Jaehee Kang might be a fatal mistake.

                “Are you okay?” he asked.  “I didn’t mean to barge in.  I heard crying, and I thought…”

                “I’m … I’m fine,” Jaehee stated, tugging nervously at her sleeve.  “I didn’t realize you’d hear me.  I’m sorry for troubling you.”

                Vanderwood shook his head.  “It’s not troubling.  I’m here to make sure you’re safe.”  He shrugged, uncertain of what to do next.  With a perplexed glance at the laptop, he decided that whatever was upsetting Jaehee was her concern.  So long as she was not in danger, he could return to his coffee.  “I’ll leave you to, uh…”

                “It’s a video of one of Zen’s shows,” Jaehee sighed.

                “What?”  Vanderwood looked back from the door to the bathroom, surprised that she’d spoken.

                “I was watching a video of one of Zen’s shows.  It’s a favorite scene of mine.  I … It’s a long story, but anyway, it’s nothing to worry about.”  She shifted her weight uneasily from foot to foot.

                “ _I’m going soft,_ ” Vanderwood thought as he ran his fingers through his hair.  “If you want to watch a show, why not do it on the TV?” he asked.

                Jaehee’s eyes flew wide.  “Oh!  I couldn’t!  I usually watch Zen’s shows alone.  I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.” 

                Vanderwood shrugged.  “It’s your house, Jaehee.  I’m just here in case anything happens.  You don’t have to hide in the bathroom to watch a video.” 

                Jaehee’s eyes darted from Vanderwood to the laptop and back.  “I… well,… are you sure?  It’s a musical, you know.”

                Vanderwood leaned against the doorframe.  He was enjoying seeing Jaehee look uncertain, and enjoying it more than he’d enjoyed anything in a while.  She was, … the only word that came to him was “cute.”  Jaehee was not the personification of cute.  Yet, here he was, fighting not to laugh at how entirely adorable she was in this moment. 

                “I’ve seen a few plays in my time.  It’ll be fine,” he assured her.  “Come on, bring your movie.  I’ll see if there are any snacks around.” 

                Jaehee smiled radiantly at Vanderwood’s offer, and he blinked in surprise.  Cute?  She wasn’t cute.  She was gorgeous!  Where did she hide that smile all day?  He found himself smiling back.  The curve of her lips and her excitement were contagious.

                “ _Soft, old man, soft_ ,” Vanderwood scolded himself as he made his way to the kitchen.  He found a couple of bags of microwave popcorn, both past the expiration date, but probably safe to eat.  When he returned to the living room, Jaehee was waiting on the couch.

                She rewarded him with that same dazzling smile when he handed her one of the bags.  Her thumb traced buttons on the remote with excitement as she waited for him to settle himself.  One arm held a pillow over her chest, and her legs crossed comfortably beneath her.

                Vanderwood gave her a half-smile and asked, “So what are we watching?” 

                “This is Zen’s third recorded performance.  It’s one of my favorites.  I think you’ll like the story, at least.  Ready?”  Her face was glowing.

                Vanderwood looked at the TV and nodded, thankful for someplace to direct his gaze other than the startlingly transformed woman beside him.

                By the third song, Vanderwood could hear Jaehee singing softly under her breath.  Her voice was warm like you’d expect to hear from someone singing a lullaby.  He kept stealing glances at her as the recording played on.  He wasn’t unaware of Jaehee’s existence before tonight.  He’d met her after leaving the agency.  He just hadn’t seen anything more than what she showed him.  That had only been a woman who worked too much and who was all about responsibility.  He hadn’t expected to see this exuberance, not in Jaehee.  It was disconcerting that he couldn’t seem to look away.

                About half-way through the show, Vanderwood picked up on the thematic melody of the songs being sung.  He was enjoying the show.  It surprised him.  Zen was the actor he’d been proclaimed to be.  When Zen took the stage and began to sing again, Vanderwood was suddenly aware of Jaehee gaping at him.

                “What?” he asked, startled. 

                “You… you know this show?” she gasped.

                “No, why?”

                “You were singing!”  Jaehee’s jaw hung open as she stared. 

                Vanderwood shot her a disbelieving look.  “No, I wasn’t.” 

                “You were!”  Jaehee exclaimed.  “I heard you!  You’re a tenor, just like Zen, and you were singing!” 

                “Bah,” Vanderwood grumbled in response.  He leaned into the cushion behind him.  “Watch the show.  We’re missing the big moment.” 

                Jaehee responded by pausing the movie, never looking away from Vanderwood.  “I hope I’m not pressuring, but, are you actually liking this?” 

                Vanderwood shrugged.  “The boy has some talent.  It’s not what I would have chosen to watch, but it’s well done.” 

                Jaehee squealed and launched herself at Vanderwood. 

                Vanderwood almost fell off the couch trying to move away as the shock registered when she hugged him and kissed his cheek.  She was built small, but he noted that her body was not soft.  It was very firm and very strong, agile and … “ _Damn it, dude, you’re her bodyguard.  Get your head on!”_ he rebuked himself. 

                Jaehee withdrew quickly and settled back on her side of the couch, her cheeks pink. 

                “Play,” Vanderwood grumbled, wondering what he’d gotten himself into. 

                Jaehee complied, and thankfully, the rest of the video played out without incident.  Vanderwood felt much more composed by the time the final credits ended. 

                Jaehee beamed at him again.  “Thank you so much for watching that with me,” she said sincerely. 

                “No problem,” he nodded.  “What next?” 

                “I have to get to bed,” Jaehee sighed unhappily.  “I have to go in early tomorrow.”  She held out the remote to him.  “You can watch anything else you’re interested in if you want.”

                Vanderwood stood, stretching.  “I think, actually, I’m going to go out for a smoke.  I want to check the property over again, and I should call Saeyoung, too.”

                “Alright, then,” Jaehee nodded.  “I’ll just clean up and get myself to sleep.  There’s a spare key by the door, so you can get back in.” 

                Vanderwood left her gathering up the empty popcorn bags and glasses.  Taking the key from its hook, he made sure to lock the door as he left.  The hallways were empty.  As he wandered the boundaries, he was relieved to find lights spaced at regular intervals around the boundary walls.  The entrance to the complex had a security code, which Vanderwood knew wasn’t true protection, but it was better than nothing.  He took a drag from his cigarette and was reaching for his phone when it rang. 

                “Sae, I was…”

                “Vanderwood, where are you!  Hurry!  Jaehee!” Saeyoung’s voice shouted at him. 

                “Fuck!” the word fell from Vanderwood’s lips, and he didn’t even hang up his phone as he raced back to the side door that would take him to Jaehee’s apartment most quickly.  Barreling up the stairs, he pulled his gun.  His guts were twisting.  He was going to be too late!  That smile, he wouldn’t see that smile again! 

                Vanderwood blasted through the door, tearing the frame apart as he did.  No time for door handles tonight.  He was never so relieved that this complex followed the same shoddy construction codes as every other apartment ever built. 

                Jaehee stood in the corner, her face pale with fear. 

                Another woman stood between them.  She turned as Vanderwood raised his gun.  He saw the large bowie knife in her hand. 

                A blur of motion stopped Vanderwood from pulling the trigger.  Jaehee let out an unholy screech, and the knife flew from her attacker’s hand.  She moved smoothly.  Vanderwood wasn’t sure he wasn’t watching in slow motion, she was so precise, so good!  The instant the intruder was disarmed, Jaehee pulled her off balance and dropped her to the floor, following with a blow to the head that left the unknown woman lying in a dazed heap.

                Vanderwood crossed the room and planted the muzzle of his gun at the base of the unknown woman’s skull.  Panting, he said, “Call the police.  Are you hurt?”

                “No, she didn’t hurt me,” Jaehee stated, scooting back from her attacker.  “Is this… you think?”

                “I can’t imagine anyone else,” Vanderwood responded, risking a glance at Jaehee, confirming with his own eyes that she was unharmed.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have left.” 

                “No, no, it’s fine,” Jaehee replied.

                “Jaehee?” he called, hearing the flat tones creeping into her voice.  When she looked up, he tilted his head toward the bedroom.  “Call the police.  We need to get this woman turned over to them.” 

                While Jaehee spoke to the police from her bedroom, the strange woman began to stir.  Vanderwood leaned over her, pressing the muzzle of his pistol more firmly against her head.  “I’m a trained killer, lady.  Don’t move if you want to leave here alive.  I’ll kill you and sleep fine,” he growled into her ear.

                The woman wisely went slack and didn’t move or speak.

                The police took the intruder with them after a lengthy period of questioning Vanderwood and Jaehee.  They seemed unconvinced that Vanderwood was only a visiting friend, but there was no evidence or reason to pry further.  When they left, he found that he’d shattered the door frame more than expected, and now it couldn’t be closed.

                He was looking for a way to force the door shut when he felt Jaehee’s hand on his arm.  Looking over his shoulder, he saw her looking up at him in admiration.  He noted that her color had returned, though she was clearly worn from the adrenaline rush. 

                “Thank you,” she said slowly.  “I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t here tonight.” 

                Vanderwood turned, smiling down at her.  “The way I saw it, you handled everything.  I just made sure that psycho stayed on the floor after you put her there,” he glanced at the door.  “Well, that and broke your home.” 

                Jaehee scanned the pieces of the doorframe Vanderwood had been trying to put back together.  One long shard chose that moment to fall out, causing all Vanderwood’s work to come undone in a spectacular cascade of shattered wood.  She smirked as he groaned, unable to resist the giggle that followed.

                “Maybe we should call Mr. Han and have a security guard stand watch tonight?  We can just go to a hotel,” she suggested.

                Vanderwood’s breath froze in his chest.  A hotel?  With Jaehee?  His eyes widened, and he sucked in air.

                “A hotel, where we sleep, probably in separate rooms,” she clarified, chuckling.  “I’m not cold enough to send you back to Saeyoung’s place after you just rescued me.”

                Vanderwood blinked rapidly.  Why did he feel disappointed?  “ _Soft, old man, very very soft.”_   With a weary nod, he agreed.  “Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea.  You need rest.” 

                “So do you,” Jaehee smiled.

                Vanderwood’s heart raced at triple time.  He hadn’t been too late, and here was the smile he was afraid of never seeing again.  His head felt fuzzy and light.  “ _Soft.._ ” his mind began.  “ _Shut up,_ ” he growled internally.

 


	2. Day 2: Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood takes Jaehee camping.

                Vanderwood closed the trunk of his car after checking that he had everything he needed for the weekend.  The sun was just beginning to cast blue-grey streaks into the pre-dawn sky.  His mind mapped out the time it would take to drive to Jaehee’s apartment, how long to pack her things into the car, and how long to reach their destination.  It was a habit, to know all the times and plan accordingly.

                On the drive over, Vanderwood smiled.  It was a small smile at first, but it kept spreading.  He also noted, and tried to dismiss, a slight nervousness.  Three weeks had passed since he’d met Jaehee.  He was supposed to be protecting her, though she ended up saving herself.  They’d been out to dinner a few times since then.  He’d even brought her to his condo, the first woman he’d ever shared the location of his refuge with. 

                Jaehee impressed him, constantly.  She was smart, decisive, and capable.  She didn’t play games like so many women.  Her skill in judo was commendable, and they’d spent one evening after her class just practicing on the mats.  For someone without his advanced training, she was very good.  She carried herself, constantly, with the calm confidence of someone who knew that they would handle any situation that arose.

                He’d had to pay a visit to Jumin to get this weekend to happen.  Jumin wasn’t a bad guy, but his work was his life.  He didn’t seem to remember to give the people around him the time to breathe, because he didn’t take it for himself.  When Vanderwood explained the situation to Jumin, that he wanted to take Jaehee away for a weekend, he was treated to incisive questioning behind the closed doors of Jumin’s office.  Only when Jumin was certain that Vanderwood was a suitable candidate for Jaehee, did he consent to give Jaehee the weekend off.  Vanderwood had left chuckling, wondering if Jaehee knew that her boss had been looking out for her as if he were her older brother.

                The whole idea came from a dinner conversation.  He’d asked Jaehee about her life before C&R, and been surprised to learn that the sleek, professional exterior hid a nature lover who had made hiking and camping a part of her life.

                “I wish I could get away again,” Jaehee had said wistfully.  “I would love to go camping again.  I just can’t get away from the office long enough.” 

                When he brought out the flier from the campground he’d selected, Jaehee looked confused.  “I thought you might like to take a trip,” he beamed.  Then Vanderwood realized, he’d just organized everything without asking her.  Maybe she wouldn’t feel comfortable going away for an entire weekend with him?  Maybe she’d be mad that he’d gone to her boss to get the time off?

                Jaehee took the flier and ran her fingertip over the image of the clear lake in the mountains.  “Marion,” she sighed.  “I’d love to go, but I can’t.  There’s two big projects I’m working on, and then the quarterly reports are….”

                “I, um, I talked to Jumin.  He said you’re free to go if you want,” Vanderwood admitted.  When Jaehee called him by his name, Marion, he felt as shy as he’d been as a child.  Everyone had always teased him about his name when he was growing up, and he had stopped using it.  But the way Jaehee said it left him feeling bashful and excited.

                “You asked Mr. Han to give me time off?” she asked, her eyes growing wide.  “Please tell me you didn’t.” 

                Vanderwood shrugged.  “I wanted to surprise you.  I couldn’t very well ask you to go ask for time off.” 

                Jaehee groaned.  “Alright, but please don’t make a habit of that?”  She paused, tilting her head curiously at him.  “What did he say, anyway?”

                “He told me to have you home early enough to rest before coming back to work, and that he hopes we can enjoy the trip.”  Vanderwood chuckled.  He wasn’t going to be the one to tell Jaehee that Jumin was protective of her.

                Vanderwood parked the car and smiled up at the window he knew to be the one to Jaehee’s living room.  He hadn’t been so excited about anything in a long time.  An entire weekend, alone with Jaehee, doing something she enjoyed and would smile about?  Yes, please!  He couldn’t get enough of that smile, or the way it always seemed to draw a similar curve across his own face. 

                He knocked on Jaehee’s door and heard her calling out to him from the other side.  The locks clicked as she opened them and then he was looking down into her sparkling, brown eyes.  There was the smile he’d been waiting to see!

                “Come in!” she exclaimed, stepping back.  “I just need to get a couple of things, and I’ll be ready to go.” 

                Vanderwood felt the smile that was creeping into his expression like the sunrise.  How did she do it?  He’d seen more than one woman smile, but Jaehee’s smile always affected him so strongly.  He entered, closing the door behind him as Jaehee darted into the bedroom.

                Jaehee emerged from her bedroom, a rolled up sleeping bag under her arm and a mid-size duffel bag in the other hand.  “Alright!  This is it, other than the food!” she exclaimed. 

                “I’ll carry those for you,” Vanderwood offered.  “Unless you want me to carry the food down?” 

                “There are two coolers.  If we each take one, and one of these, we’ll be set.  You did say you had a spare tent, right?  I can go get mine if not.”

                “I have both of them,” he assured her.  “Here, hand me the bag.”

                After a bit of shuffling, they managed to get everything down to the car and loaded in.  Vanderwood started to open the door for Jaehee, but saw that she’d already opened it, herself, and was getting in.  “ _I’ll have to be a bit faster,_ ” he thought to himself.  “ _She’s not used to anyone doing little things like that for her._ ”

                Vanderwood had many years of experience in driving like a madman.  Truth be told, he still drove faster and more aggressively than he needed to, just out of habit.  Today, though, he made certain to drive carefully.  He wanted to be sure that there was nothing to upset Jaehee.  He wanted her to feel safe, without reason for concern when she was with him, even in this.

                As the two left the city, he was very aware of her shorts and the long, toned legs that descended from them.  He was aware of how daintily her ankles crossed as she stretched out, relaxing in her seat.  He was even aware that she was breathing more easily than she had before and how her shoulders had relaxed as soon as they were securely on the way. 

                “I hope you like the area I picked out,” Vanderwood said, breaking the silence in the car.

                “I’m sure I will,” Jaehee responded politely.  “I enjoy camping and hiking, even though I haven’t had an opportunity to do either in some time.” 

                “It’s a bit remote,” he cautioned.

                “So much the better,” she countered.  “There won’t be too many other people around to disrupt the peace!”  Jaehee looked over at Vanderwood as she spoke.  “I promise, as long as it’s quiet, I’ll be fine.  I’m only the city girl because of my job, you know.” 

                “Is that so?”

                “Mmhmm.  I grew up away from the city.  I never lived on a farm, but we were in a small town.  I often went camping with my friends, and we didn’t go to the places built for tourists.”  Jaehee smiled proudly.  “I think you’re about to be surprised, Marion.”

                Vanderwood smiled back, because he always smiled when Jaehee did.  He also had learned that while he always hated his first name, it sounded nice when Jaehee said it.  She’d bullied him to get it.  He couldn’t help but relent though, not when faced with those soft eyes of hers. 

                The rest of the drive, Jaehee filled Vanderwood in on her childhood.  Most of it hadn’t been pleasant, but she’d found bright spots in it all the same.  He was glad that she was away from the people who had raised her.  He couldn’t begin to call them her family.  Even if he never had a family of his own, he knew that family wasn’t supposed to treat children that way.

                He had a moment of worry when he pulled off the main road and onto what passed for a road to the campsite.  Two long, parallel furrows showed where other cars had passed and grass grew thick between them.  Vanderwood glanced at Jaehee only to see her watching through the window in excitement.  “ _Good, she likes it so far_ ,” he through with a soft sigh of relief.

                Stepping from the car, both stretched as they looked around.  The site looked exactly as pictured, and Vanderwood was pleased.  They were far enough away from humanity that there was no plumbing or electricity here.  A stone-lined fire pit rested in an open space and trees grew in a tall ring around the site.  The only sounds were those of the birds and the wind in the trees.

                Jaehee rested her fingers on Vanderwood’s forearm, smiling up at him.  “It’s beautiful, Marion!  It’s perfect!  What should we do first?  Get a fire started for dinner, or go hiking?”  Her eyes sparkled in excitement.

                “How about we set up the tents first?” he suggested.

                “Good thinking.  We don’t want to have to do that when it gets dark and we’re tired!”  She rounded the car, waiting at the trunk for him to open it.

                Vanderwood opened the trunk, offering Jaehee the larger tent, but she insisted on taking the smaller one.

                “You’re going to need more space than I will, don’t worry,” she assured him.  Taking the bag, she surveyed the area and picked her spot.  In moments, she had the ground cloth out and was unpacking the tent.

                Vanderwood chose a spot across the fire pit for his tent, not wanting to seem pushy by setting up directly beside her.  He busied himself with assembling the poles and raising the tent he’d used many times before.  Stealing a glance at Jaehee, he smiled again.  In the past, he’d used the tent when he was on a mission, not for leisure.  This time, even the act of putting everything together felt different, relaxing and enjoyable.

                He was startled by a squeak from Jaehee, followed by the sound of fabric folding and a louder cry.  As he turned, Vanderwood saw Jaehee twisting and falling into the tent.  He raced across the site to her.  “What happened?” he asked, worried.  “Are you alright?”  He held out a hand to help her up.

                Jaehee’s face reddened as she sat up.  “I’m fine,” she mumbled.  “I didn’t see the tie down was in my way and got tangled.” 

                Vanderwood looked down and saw the thin cord around the end of her shoe.  He thanked his years of training for not letting him laugh.  He wanted to laugh.  Jaehee was half sprawled and had brought her entire tent down. 

                Instead, he took her hand and helped her to her feet.  For a moment, his arm rested around her waist and the warmth of her body pressed against his.  Vanderwood gulped and stepped back slowly, ensuring that Jaehee was steady again. 

                “Why don’t I help you finish this?” he asked, turning away from her. 

                Jaehee accepted the offer and shortly her tent was set up.  She then insisted that she help him finish his. 

                With the tents raised, they emptied the rest of the trunk and shared a light lunch of cold sandwiches and fruit.

                “We need to get some firewood for tonight,” Vanderwood pointed out as they finished the meal.  “Why don’t we do a bit of exploring and drag some back?” 

                “Sure!”  Jaehee sprang to her feet.  “I’m dying to poke around a bit!” 

                As they walked, Vanderwood watched Jaehee, unable to take his eyes from her.  She had lit up so much since their arrival.  It was as if someone had pulled back a veil to reveal a face that was only hinted at.  She was almost, he marveled, bubbly.

                When he realized that they’d been walking close together and that her hand was in his, Vanderwood stopped so suddenly he almost tripped.  His eyes were wide.  No one had been able to touch him without him knowing far in advance that the contact was coming, not in a long time.  Had he taken her hand, or had she taken his?  He wasn’t sure.

                “What’s wrong?” Jaehee asked, giving him a curious look.  “See something?”

                “I, no, nothing,” he managed.  Well, her hand was in his, and he’d be damned if he was going to let go now.  “Come this way,” he said, tugging her gently after him.  “I heard there’s a stream at the bottom of this hill.” 

                Vanderwood beamed as Jaehee fell in beside him, squeezing his fingers in her excitement.  “A fresh stream, and so close to the campsite?  You thought of everything, Marion!” 

                The stream he’d been told about was more like a small river, but he and Jaehee settled and the bank and stuck their feet in the cool water.  When he laid down in the grass, he didn’t let go of her hand.  When she curled up under his arm, resting her head on his shoulder, his heart tried to punish him for the years of stress and smoking. 

Vanderwood was, for the first time in decades, afraid to move.  Moving would mean not having this slight, fierce woman with her amazing smile, leaning against him in the most simple display of trust ever.  He knew that with the life he’d lived, he didn’t stand a chance with Jaehee, but damned if he wasn’t going to soak up every moment he could get with her. 

                It was Jaehee who finally moved, with a regretful sigh.  Rolling into him, she rested her chin on his chest.  “We should head back.  It’ll start to get dark soon, and we need to cook dinner.” 

                Ah, there it was, the responsible woman who was hyper-aware of schedules.  Despite the brief glimpse beneath the businesswoman, Vanderwood was reminded again of the distance between their worlds.  He sat up with a grunt, making a note to come back here tomorrow.

                They gathered wood for the fire on the way back.  Vanderwood found a large section of a downed tree trunk and dragged it by the branches so they could use it for the fire that evening.  He busied himself with the axe, cutting it down into more manageable pieces for the firepit while Jaehee started cooking. 

                The forest wasn’t hot, but cutting wood is a fast way to overheat even in winter.  It wasn’t long before Vanderwood felt his shirt sticking to him as he worked.  If he’d been with Saeyoung, he would have shed the shirt long ago.  He didn’t want Jaehee to see the scars though.  He didn’t want her to have to worry about the life he’d lived.

                “Marion?” Jaehee asked, having somehow snuck up on Vanderwood yet again.

                He stopped swinging the axe and looked over his shoulder.  “Damn, man, get your head on.  She shouldn’t be able to do that!” his training scolded him.  “Hey, dinner about ready?” he asked, wiping the sweat from his face with the back of his arm. 

                “Not yet.  I just saw that you were really working up a sweat over here.  I thought you might want some water.”  Jaehee blushed ever so slightly as she extended a cup toward him.

                Vanderwood accepted the drink, glad for the cold water, and appreciating Jaehee’s thoughtfulness.  “I’ll have enough for tonight soon,” he said, passing the cup back after he drained it.  “Thanks for thinking of that.” 

                “No problem,”  Jaehee smiled and started to turn.  Then she looked back at him.  “I hope you know I won’t be offended if you take your shirt off while you do that.  I know it’s hard work, cutting that much wood.” 

                Vanderwood turned stiffly.  “I’m good,” he said, sounding more harsh than intended.  “I’ll be done soon.” 

                Jaehee didn’t move as the axe swung again.  It wasn’t until he was on the fourth swing that he heard her footsteps retreating.  Vanderwood breathed a sigh of relief.  Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he caught Jaehee watching him.  As the axe sliced downward, her lips parted slightly, her face becoming flushed.  Vanderwood cursed as the axe missed its intended landing, scoring the tree trunk inches to the side of where he was trying to split the wood open.

                He looked around at the wood he’d already cut and decided it would be enough for the night.  He couldn’t work with her watching him like that.  He shook his head as he gathered the firewood.  She wouldn’t look at him like that if she knew.  She would be disgusted, at best.  She’d probably be afraid.

                Dumping the firewood near the pit, Vanderwood retreated to his tent with a bottle of water.  He said nothing to Jaehee as he passed her.  He didn’t know what to say at this point.  He sipped some of the water and used a clean cloth to wipe off the sweat as he tried to think his way through the impending rejection he was going to have to deliver.

                He didn’t want to reject Jaehee.  What he wanted had nothing to do with rejection, and everything to do with hopes of a life he’d never had so much as a smoky whisper of hope for.  She’d already been hurt.  He’d have to be very gentle.  Maybe she’d agree that they could be friends, he hoped.  At least then he could see her sometimes.

                “Marion?” Jaehee called, her voice hesitant and uncertain outside his tent.

                “Hey, yeah, I’ll be right back out.  I just needed to clean up a bit!”  He hoped he sounded cheerful enough.  He could handle the rejection part after they went back to town.  At least that way she wouldn’t be stranded with him.

                “Okay, well, dinner is ready, whenever you are.” 

                “Great!  I’m starving!” 

                Jaehee’s footsteps retreated again as Vanderwood pulled out his hair tie.  He ran his fingers through his hair, tying his ponytail back in place. 

                “ _Alright then_ ,” he coached himself.  “ _Be calm and just don’t make any promises.  You haven’t done anything you can’t come back from._ ”  He emerged from the tent, surprised to see how dark the forest around them had become.

                After dinner, Vanderwood helped Jaehee clean up.  They locked the coolers back in the car, just for safety, and pulled out a couple cans of beer he had brought along.  Taking turns, they fed the fire and talked their way through a half dozen topics before Vanderwood lost track of how the conversation had gone the way it had.  It was so easy, just talking with Jaehee.  He soon forgot his concerns about letting her down after their camping trip and found himself enjoying the time with her. 

                When Jaehee gave in and went to her tent to sleep, Vanderwood banked the fire and found his way to his own sleeping bag.  The sounds of insects filled the night with their rhythm and lulled him to sleep.

                Late in the night, Vanderwood’s sleep was broken when he heard the zipper open on Jaehee’s tent.  His hand went reflexively for the gun under his pillow, pulling back as he heard her emerge.  Doubtless a late night call of nature, he assumed.

                When the fire pit began to give off a small glow, and he heard a piece of firewood drop into it, Vanderwood worried. 

                “You okay out there?” he called through the wall of the tent. 

                “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jaehee replied.  “I just felt like being up a little bit.” 

                Vanderwood’s training kicked in again, and he heard the lie in her voice.  Something was troubling her.  “ _Stay where you are, don’t make things worse than they’re going to be,_ ” his mind tried to warn him.  He didn’t even hesitate to ignore it.  Pulling his pants on, Vanderwood opened his tent and joined Jaehee at the fireside. 

                “You know what they say, about not bullshitting a bullshitter, right?” he asked, settling into his chair.

                Jaehee’s face flashed a slight smile in the low firelight.  “You didn’t have to get up.  Why not get some sleep?  You did a lot of work today.” 

                “Because you didn’t just feel like getting up,” he shrugged.  “Anything I can help with?” 

                “No, I… I don’t think you can.”

                Vanderwood heard Jaehee’s voice catch.  Gently, he turned her face toward him.  Even in the firelight, he could see that she was crying.  Startled, he reached up and wiped her tears away.  “Hey, what’s all this about?  Did I do something wrong?  If I did, you know you can use that judo stuff on me, right?”  He tried to tease a smile out of her.

                Jaehee looked back into the low flame in the firepit.  “No, it isn’t anything you did,” she sighed.  “I’m sorry, it’s just me.  I’m just being silly.  I’ll be fine by morning.”

                Something in her voice made Vanderwood want to cry in response.  “Jaehee….” he began.  “You _can_ talk to me.  What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?”  He moved his hand to hold her shoulder in comfort.

                Jaehee broke at his touch, shuddering as a fresh wave of tears broke free.  It was several minutes before she could speak.  When she did, it was in a voice so small and quiet that Vanderwood was stunned to find that this fierce lady could sound so forlorn. 

                “I’ll tell you, but you have to know that I don’t have any expectation or requirement that you do anything with what I’m about to say.  Is that clear?” she asked.

                “Sure, I mean yes, it’s clear,” he answered gently.

                “All my life, I’ve been a thing.  As a child, I was a burden.  As a student, I was a loner who made good grades.  Now, I’m just Mr. Han’s assistant and Zen’s fan.  I’m never a person.  I’m never myself.  I never see anyone look at me like I’m not a function.” 

                Jaehee took a breath, hugging her arms close to herself.  “I was just thinking how nice it’s been, ever since you showed up at my apartment that day, really.  You don’t look at me like a function or an extension of someone else.  You… you treat me like a person.  For the first time in my life, I feel like Jaehee, a person, a woman, someone who doesn’t have to be defined by her relationship to someone else.”  She paused, choking down another breath of air.  “I know that you probably don’t feel that way, or understand how much it means.  I don’t expect you to fix it, you can’t.”

                Vanderwood felt like someone had just stabbed him in the gut with a dull knife, a feeling he had experienced once.  “Jaehee, why would you cry about that?” he asked in confusion. 

                She shook her head, but Vanderwood pressed the question until Jaehee gave way.

                “Because I wish you meant to make me feel this way,” she whispered.  “I wish it was on purpose instead of just because of you being friendly.”

                Vanderwood didn’t even think.  He didn’t need to.  What a stupid, horrible mistake he’d been about to make!  He stood and pulled Jaehee from her chair, folding his arms around her.  He held her tightly, his heart racing at the feel of her warmth against his chest.

                “Jaehee, I wasn’t doing anything on purpose, but you are so completely amazing.  You’re smart, talented, funny, passionate, and you’ve addled my brain more since I’ve met you than anyone in my entire life has.  You _are_ a complete person.  Your job, your friendships, those aren’t who you are.  Those are just things you do.”  He tilted her face up.  “You are a whole person already, you are one hell of a woman.  But I need to ask you something, and if you need to think it over, I’ll wait.”

                He watched as Jaehee’s brow knit in confusion. 

                “I’m not a good guy.  I’m not kind or gentle.  I’m an asshole of the first order, and I’ve had a shit life.  I’ve done things I’ll never want to talk about.  I’m wanted in several countries, and one of my identities is wanted for human rights violations.  You don’t deserve to get saddled with someone like me. You deserve someone who can treat you right, someone who can make you happy.”  He took a breath and dove headfirst, expecting to smash his brains out at the bottom of the fall as he looked into her eyes.  “I’d like to try, though, to make you happy, that is, if you’ll let me.” 

                Jaehee blinked rapidly.  “You already do make me happy Marion,” she murmured.  “That’s kind of the point.  You made me happy, and you made me feel like a person, and that’s what started me crying, remember?” 

                “So, you’ll let me try?” he asked, wanting to be certain.

                Jaehee barely nodded before Vanderwood pressed his lips against hers.  All the women he’d kissed on missions, all the women, and men, he’d kissed while learning how to kiss, none of it had prepared him for this kiss.  This was a kiss he meant.  He felt like a fumbling schoolboy, but he didn’t care.  She wanted him, even after what he’d just told her, she wanted him with her.  He didn’t care how many he’d kissed before, he’d never kissed Jaehee before, and that was all the difference in the world.

                He broke the kiss, breathless and dazed, and pressed Jaehee’s head against his chest.  “How would you feel about not using both tents?” he asked.  “Just for sleep, if that’s all you want.  I just thought it might…”  His confidence faltered, he was sure he shouldn’t have suggested it.

                “Let me grab my sleeping bag, and I’ll be right over,” Jaehee answered, rubbing her cheek against him.

                Once they managed to zip the sleeping bags together and settle in, Vanderwood held Jaehee tenderly as she dozed off.  He didn’t sleep at all that night, but for once in his life, the lack of sleep didn’t leave him feeling exhausted the next morning. 


	3. Day 3: Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood has night terrors.

                Following the camping trip, nights spent together became frequent.  When Jaehee had to be in to work early, Vanderwood stayed with her.  When they had more time, they stayed at his place.  Vanderwood preferred his condo, as it was more secure, but preferred sleeping next to Jaehee to sleeping alone.  Small signs of their relationship began to creep into one another’s homes.  An extra toothbrush, new bottles of shampoo, favorite foods, bit by bit the fact that they were really together was becoming real, and Vanderwood couldn’t have been happier.

                Jaehee was everything he could have hoped for in a partner.  She was kind, considerate, intelligent, strong, and made his past seem like a distant memory.  For the first time since leaving the agency, Vanderwood began to feel free.  It was, to him, as if he could finally breathe, finally relax.  Even Saeyoung noticed the changes, but for once didn’t try to make a joke about it.

                That particular Friday night, Vanderwood had picked Jaehee up from work.  They went to her place briefly while she changed and he took her to see another performance by Zen.  Vanderwood might have choked rather than admit it, but he found himself enjoying the actor’s work.  Not as much, perhaps, as seeing the elation on Jaehee’s face when he showed her the tickets for the box seats, but Zen’s talent could not be denied.

                After the show, they found a quiet café and enjoyed dessert and coffee, despite skipping dinner.  Vanderwood had never thought he’d be able to have a real relationship with anyone.  Between his past and his distrust of people in general, he’d thought it impossible.  Jaehee had changed everything.

                Once they were back in his condo, he reveled in undressing her slowly and lost himself in every piece of her body.  Her cries were the sweetest sound he’d ever heard, and he drew them from her reverently until they collapsed together, exhausted, sweating, gasping for air.  He pulled her close and buried his face in her hair, riding a wave of bliss that he had no words to describe.

                “Agent!” a harsh, male voice shouted at him, jolting Vanderwood from his dreams.

                He sat up in the bed, his hand already holding the gun he still kept under his pillow.  His other hand reached for Jaehee, to keep her behind him where he could protect her, but found empty space.

                “Put the gun down,” the voice ordered.  A pistol jerked briefly to the side, drawing his attention to where Saeyoung held Jaehee, a gun at her temple.  Jaehee’s eyes were wide with fright and her skin was pale.

                “Saeyoung?  What the fuck?” he shouted in fury.  “I’ll kill you for this.”

                Saeyoung didn’t blink, he just stood, unmoving, holding Jaehee’s life at the tip of his trigger finger.

                “Drop the gun, agent,” the first man ordered again.

                If it had just been him, he’d have fought.  He’d have put a bullet through both of them without hesitation.  He couldn’t risk _her_ though.  The gun slid from his grasp, landing on the carpet with a muffled thud.

                “Jaehee, babe, don’t worry.  I won’t let you be hurt,” Vanderwood promised.  He didn’t dare look away from the man who stood beside the bed, but he couldn’t just ignore her.

                “You thought you could get away that easy?  You thought we’d let you just take off and act like nothing ever happened?”  The man scoffed.  “You’re coming with us.  It’s time to go back to work.” 

                “Let her go,” Vanderwood demanded.  “I’ll go with you, just let her go.” 

                “As if anyone close to an agent can just ‘go’?” the man asked, scoffing.  “You know better.”  He threw a pair of pants at Vanderwood.  “Get dressed.”

                Throwing the blankets back, Vanderwood stood and stepped into the pants, watching for an opening.  The agent didn’t give him one. 

                Once Vanderwood was clothed, he was escorted out to the hallway with the agent behind him.  According to training, Saeyoung followed the agent who had Vanderwood under his gun.  He didn’t speak.  He didn’t even look at Vanderwood, his eyes glued forward as if he were in a trance.

                Vanderwood didn’t speak.  The fury that coursed through his body and his inability to end the situation without endangering Jaehee had already brought back the tic he’d developed while working with the agency.  His index finger traced down the inside of his thumb, looping to the side nearest the same finger.  Then his fingernail dragged up his skin until it found his knuckle.  Slowly, pressing sharply, his fingernail cut across his knuckle and then along the outside of his thumb.  Sliding back to the inside, he repeated the circuit.  Over and over, down, up, around, and back, his forefinger traced the line around his thumb.

                Saeyoung had betrayed him, that much was clear.  Only Sae had a key to his home.  He’d trusted the younger man, with his life and then some.  He’d also wanted to be sure that the kid had a place to turn if he ever needed it.

                That was over now.  Vanderwood wanted to kill Sae slowly for this.  He didn’t have a choice, it’d have to be fast.  To get Jaehee out of here and safely to Jumin, where she could be protected, he’d have to kill them both in a hurry.  Sae first, then the other.  Vanderwood knew just how dangerous the younger man was.  He’d trained him to be dangerous. 

                Down, around, up, his finger traced.  Under the fury, Vanderwood’s heart was breaking.  The betrayal tore through him.  The understanding that the betrayal would mean walking away from Jaehee, that almost broke him.  He could break later.  He had to get her to safety first. 

                At the bottom of the stairs in the fire well, Vanderwood tripped.  A measured, intentional movement that allowed him to turn and sweep the legs out from under the agent behind him.  As the man went down, Vanderwood vaulted over him and lunged at Jaehee and Saeyoung.  He was going to have to tackle her to get to Saeyoung.  He had to push her away from that gun.

                He felt his shoulder hit Jaehee’s chest as his hand pushed the gun up, away from her head.  He heard the deafening explosion, stealing his hearing as it reverberated against the steel and concrete of the stairwell.  He felt something wet and saw a cloud of red fill the air.

                Jaehee’s head, what was left of it, fell against his neck.  Blood and other things he couldn’t think about ran down his shirt.  Her body went limp as he screamed her name. 

                Saeyoung lay on the stairs beneath him, and his rage broke free like a bolt of lightning, burning white hot, taking everything from Vanderwood’s vision.  Vanderwood’s fist smashed into Saeyoung’s temple.  Saeyoung didn’t move, didn’t blink, as Vanderwood’s fingers closed on his neck.  He just lay there, that vacant forward stare in his eyes, as Vanderwood wrung his breath from his body. 

                Vanderwood slammed Saeyoung’s skull against the concrete stairs for good measure, turning back to Jaehee’s body.  Kneeling beside her, he took her hand.  Tears began to fall from his eyes.  He didn’t look at her head.  He couldn’t look at… at that…

                This was his fault.  He should have done as he planned from the beginning.  He should have let her down easy and walked away.  He knew that no one could be with him.  How had he convinced himself this would end any other way?

                He screamed her name, the agony in his soul erupting in his voice.  As his screams echoed away, he heard Jaehee’s voice. 

“Marion?  Marion, what’s wrong?” she asked.  Her bloody hand closed around his fingers.

Vanderwood shrieked, high-pitched and loud as he scrambled backward in disbelief.  Suddenly he was falling, his fingers scrabbling for purchase.  He hit the floor with a heavy thump, landing squarely on his back and knocking the wind from his chest. 

He blinked, his bewilderment complete as Jaehee, unharmed, still in her nightgown, leaned over the edge of the bed cautiously.  Had he finally snapped?  Had losing her made him lose touch with reality?  He lifted his fingers to his face, feeling the tears still wet on his cheeks.

“Marion?” Jaehee asked again, concern and hesitance in her voice.  “What’s wrong?  What happened?”  Her eyes searched his face. 

“Jaehee, where’s Saeyoung?” Vanderwood asked, bolting to his feet.  He wasn’t going to let her get hurt again.

Jaehee bolted back to the far side of the bed.  “I assume he’s at home with his wife.  Why?  What’s wrong?  Marion, talk to me!” 

Vanderwood turned to her, finally recognizing the fear beneath her worry.  He scanned the room, noting that nothing seemed out of place.  He couldn’t trust it though.  Had it only been a dream?  He turned and opened the door, calling back to Jaehee, “Do not move from that spot until I come back.” 

Carefully, he checked his entire home.  There was no sign of any attempted entry, forced or otherwise.  He saw no Saeyoung, no agent, no danger.  Despite his resistance to the understanding, he slowly accepted, it had all been a horrible dream.

Vanderwood collapsed on the couch, his shoulders rising and falling heavily as he let it all sink in.  A fresh wave of tears broke free as his trembling hand reached for a pack of cigarettes.  Jaehee had asked him not to smoke inside, but he didn’t think he could make it outside right now.  He flicked his thumb against the wheel of his lighter but shook too violently to get the flame to the end of the rolled tobacco. 

Jaehee’s hand closed softly around his own, steadying it.  Without a word of rebuke, she helped him light up.  She sat beside him, leaning slightly back to avoid the cloud of smoke when he exhaled.  Her arm rested over his shoulders.

They sat together in silence as Vanderwood pulled himself together.  He clung to Jaehee’s fingers as if he, well, he had been afraid he never would again, only moments ago.  The shaking and dread subsided as the cigarette burned down.

“Sorry,” he finally mumbled, easing his grip on her.

“There’s no need to apologize,” Jaehee said softly, leaning into him as he put out the cigarette.  “Nightmare?”

Vanderwood snorted.  “You could say that.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”  He looked over at her, and that was when he saw the reddish blotch on her cheekbone.  “Oh god, Jaehee, did I…?”

“Yes, you did, but don’t worry.  I’m fine.  I was startled, but I saw quickly that you weren’t awake.  You didn’t hit me hard,” she soothed as his fingers brushed against her face.  “Marion, please, it’s fine, don’t look like that.”

Vanderwood almost wished he’d died when he took that bullet years ago.  He had hit her.  He hit Jaehee.  Guilt flooded his mind, driving out the last of the tension and fear from the dream.

“Marion,” Jaehee insisted, taking his face in her hands.  “Look at me, look at me, not where you hit me.”  She waited until his eyes focused on her own.  “You had a nightmare.  This means nothing more than if you rolled over in your sleep and caught me with your arm.  Don’t beat yourself up.  It won’t even show by morning.” 

Vanderwood sighed and let his eyelids drop.  He couldn’t look into the gentle browns of Jaehee’s eyes another moment.  “Jaehee, I’m sorry, for hitting you and,” he took a deep breath.  “For having to leave you.”

Jaehee gasped softly.  “Why?  Why do you have to leave?”

He pulled his face away from her touch and stood.  He couldn’t do this while she was touching him.  It was the right thing to do.  It had always been the right thing.

“Because this won’t be the only nightmare.”  He walked away from the couch, hoping the distance would help him have the strength to do this.  “I haven’t had any, not since we went camping, but now I know they’ll come anyway.  I’ve put a bullet through the wall because of those nightmares before.  I damn near killed Saeyoung one night because I was up walking around with a knife, but still asleep.  I can’t let you be in danger like that.” 

Turning to look back at her, he continued.  “I told you, I’m not a good man.  I’ve done horrible things, things that come back in my sleep, things that punish me.  I can’t let them punish you.”  He looked away again, casting his gaze into the kitchen just to have a place to look that wasn’t Jaehee.

He heard the leather of the couch cushion shift as Jaehee rose.  She came to him, but he refused to look at her.  Even when her arms closed around him, he didn’t look.

“You aren’t supposed to know this,” she said, her voice soft and gentle.  “Saeyoung has them, too.” 

“Has what?”

“Nightmares that make him lash out.” 

“MC?” Vanderwood asked, glancing down at Jaehee.

“Yes.  She talked to me about it.  He almost strangled her before he woke up.  She was terrified.”

“She should have been,” Vanderwood scoffed.  “She should have packed her things and left first thing in the morning, too.  Just like you’re going to do.” 

“No, I will not.”

“It’s _my_ home.  You’ll go if I say you will!”

“I said I’m not leaving you,” Jaehee stated firmly.

“Woman!  I will carry you out of here over my shoulder if I have to!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not safe for you here!”

Jaehee quirked her eyebrow at him.  “It’s not safe, because of you, but you’re going to protect me, because of you.  Do you realize how much that fails to make sense?”  Her voice was still calm and even.

Vanderwood rolled his eyes.  This was not the time for her to be stubborn.  This was the time for her to use the same sense of self-preservation that had taken down Zen’s fan. 

“Marion, you’ve been through hell.  I get that.  I don’t need the details of it.  I know it scarred you inside as much as it scarred your body.”  Her fingertip traced the long scar that ran diagonally across his chest.  “I also know that it’s behind you now.  You won’t be going out and doing, well, those things, not again.  I know you feel bad about hitting me.  I also know that you weren’t even awake when it happened.”  She gingerly touched the redness under her eye and chuckled.  “I feel sorry for whoever you were swinging at, but I know it wasn’t me.  I know that it’ll never be me.  I’m as safe with you as I am locked inside my own apartment.  This, this means nothing more than if I tripped and stepped on your foot.  Don’t keep trying to make it more than it is.”

Her touch and her voice were wearing him down.  He tried to be strong enough, but it wasn’t working.  He was too tired, in too many ways.  “How do they handle it?” he asked her.

“Sae and MC?”

“Yeah.”

“Saeyoung has been seeing a therapist who specializes in treating PTSD and night terrors.  No medications, though I understand they were offered.  It’s getting better.  MC hasn’t mentioned a nightmare in almost a year, now.” 

“Therapists, huh?”  Vanderwood grumbled.  He knew that they helped some people, some of the time.  He didn’t trust them though.  The very idea of having someone poking around in his head was enough to turn his stomach.

“She’s apparently a very skilled therapist,” Jaehee suggested.

Vanderwood finally looked down, meeting her gaze once more.  He searched her face carefully.  In it, he found no fear, no hesitation, nothing but trust and tenderness mixed with worry for him.  He sighed, surrendering at last.

“Alright, get the information for me.  I’ll try it,” he conceded.  “Until then, you are absolutely not sleeping next to me.  I’ll sleep on the couch.”  His voice was firm.  He was not going to leave this part open for discussion.

Jaehee smiled softly.  “If it makes you feel better,” she agreed.  “Will you at least come and tuck me in again before you throw yourself into exile?” 

He still couldn’t resist mirroring that smile.  It slipped into place as he closed his arms around her.  Still, he wasn’t quite done with reminding her that they operated as equals.  She’d managed to navigate the mental and emotional side tonight and get him to agree to try seeing a therapist.  The smile slid to the side, and before she could resist, he lifted her into the air and flung her over his shoulder.

Jaehee squealed and laughed as Vanderwood strode to the bedroom and flopped her down on the mattress. 

Laughing with her, he lay beside her, his arms holding the most precious person he’d ever known.  He stayed beside her until she was asleep and then left her nestled among the blankets.  Pausing at the door, he looked back at the touseled brown hair as it spilled over the pillow.

“I love you,” he whispered, before stepping through the door and closing it.  His fingers trailed down the doorframe and he frowned.  “Don’t give up on me.  I’ll find a way.  For you, I’ll figure this out.  Rest and don’t give up.”


	4. Day 4: Loyalties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood questions Jaehee's loyalty.

                He knew he was being unreasonable.  That was why he was so irritated.  Vanderwood paced on his balcony, chain-smoking.  He’d never felt like this before.  He didn’t even know how to describe what he was feeling.  All he knew was that he didn’t like it.

                Nor did he like the way Zen flirted with Jaehee.  No, sir, he did not like that at all.  It only happened when she went to see him after one of his shows.  Zen would flirt with Jaehee, and did it right in front of Vanderwood.  Did he not understand that Vanderwood could snap his neck with one hand?  It was rude, that’s what it was.  It was beyond rude.  It was disrespectful.

                Jaehee moved in with Vanderwood three months ago.  Zen knew this.  He helped her move in.  He’d also spent the entire week prior acting as if he were a jilted lover and pissing Vanderwood off to no end.  Every chat was all about how Jaehee shouldn’t be so quick to trust a man after dark.

                Vanderwood lit another cigarette.  The little shit even tried to lecture Vanderwood about how to treat Jaehee once the moving was done.  You’d have thought that Vanderwood was some stranger, not the man who’d been dating and sleeping over with Jaehee for months.

                He’d let it slide, chalking it up to Zen’s version of friendly teasing.  But it hadn’t stopped.  And Jaehee did nothing to back Zen off, either.

                “Zen!” she’d called after the show that evening.  “You never cease to amaze me!  Your voice just improves with every performance!” she’d crooned at the actor.

                “With ladies as beautiful as yourself watching, how can I do less than improve?” Zen responded with a suggestive wink.  “I couldn’t have you feeling you’d seen it all before.” 

                Vanderwood had clenched his jaw and tried not to give in to the urge to drag Jaehee away right then.  She blushed and got so flustered she couldn’t even reply as Zen turned to speak to another fan.  He didn’t even say goodbye to her.  He acted like she was nothing but another person to stroke his overblown ego, and she lapped it up like a starving animal.

                “What am I?” he growled to himself.  “Runner-up because that ass couldn’t love anyone but himself?  Why is she like that around him?  She has me now.”  His eyes narrowed as he looked into the condo. 

                Jaehee sat, legs crossed, absorbed in the video of the show they’d just seen.  She didn’t even speak to him once they got home.  She just tore off the cellophane wrapper and started playing the DVD.  She didn’t even seem to care that Vanderwood wasn’t near her.

                He couldn’t help it.  He wondered if she had wanted to be with Zen before he showed up in her life.  Maybe she still did.

                That was a sobering thought.  He flicked the remains of the last cigarette off the edge of the balcony irritably.  Resting his elbows on the railing, he took a slow breath.  Had he interrupted the development of something more?  Should he step aside?

                “Like hell I will,” he grumbled, lighting another cigarette.  He wasn’t going to jump ship.  He wasn’t going to just pack it in and go away.  Jaehee had made a commitment to him.  They weren’t engaged, but she’d already promised to be with him, told him that she wanted that.  All Vanderwood knew was the moment Zen appeared or was mentioned, that promise seemed worth about as much as the ash that fell as he smoked.

                There it was again, that angry, defensive feeling Vanderwood didn’t know how to describe.  It left his stomach rolling with volcanic acid.  It left him feeling a little afraid, too.  What if she did want out?  He wasn’t going to force her to stay, but he didn’t want to have things end without even trying.

                He looked over his shoulder again, watching Jaehee sway to the music of one of the numbers playing on the oversized TV screen.  No, there was only one way to win, and that was to win her over so thoroughly she’d give up on Zen.  Maybe he could do it well enough that she’d even see that Zen would never care for her like Vanderwood did.

                The last cigarette fell into a bucket of sand by the door, smoke rising from the half-smoked tobacco as Vanderwood went inside.  He closed the door softly and crossed to stand behind the couch, looking down at Jaehee.  His therapist had told him to be honest about his feelings with Jaehee.  He didn’t know how to be honest about this.  How could he be honest if he didn’t know how to explain it, himself? 

                She hadn’t noticed him come in, and didn’t notice him standing behind her.  He was close enough to see the wisps of fine hair that curled against the back of her neck.  He was right there, but she had eyes only for Zen.  Vanderwood swallowed the lump in his throat and leaned over her shoulder.

                “Hey babe, doing okay?” he asked, nuzzling her neck gently.

                “I’m fine,” she answered, pulling away.  “There’s only about 20 minutes left to this.  You don’t mind, do you?” she asked, not even looking at Vanderwood. 

                Vanderwood reined in the urge to just pick her up and carry her off to the bedroom right then.  He still allowed himself to imagine his fist going through the TV.  He wouldn’t do it, but it felt better to think of putting his fist through the actor’s face, at least symbolically.

                “Are you sure you can’t finish it in the morning?” he asked, trying again to draw her attention away.  This time he traced his fingertip down the back of her ear.

                Jaehee swatted his hand away.  “Marion, please?  It’s only a few minutes more.” 

                Vanderwood felt as if he’d just been slapped.  He stepped back, blinking in confusion.  Had she meant for that to be the message, that he had to wait until she was done thinking about Zen?

                Defeated for the moment, Vanderwood retreated to the shower.  When he emerged, Jaehee was already in bed, reading a book. 

                She looked up as he entered the bedroom, smiling.  She closed the book and slid it to the nightstand on her side of the bed.  “Feeling okay?” she asked.

                “Yeah, I’m good,” he lied.  He flipped the blankets back on his side of the bed and stretched out.  He didn’t feel much like talking to Jaehee right then.  He’d just gotten himself calmed down.  He lay, facing away from her, and turned out the lamp on his side of the bed.  “See you in the morning, babe,” he said.

                The blankets shifted and Jaehee slid across the mattress until she was pressed against his back.  Her arm rested over his side.  Propping her chin on his shoulder, she asked, “What’s wrong, Marion?”

                “Nothing,” he sighed.  “I’m just tired.  You gonna read some more?  You know the light doesn’t bother me.” 

                “No, I hadn’t planned on it.  That’s why I put the book down when you came to bed.  I was only waiting for you.” 

                Vanderwood let a grunt slip at that.  She sure as hell hadn’t been waiting for him a half hour ago.

                “Hmm?” she asked.

                Vanderwood detested the idea of getting into this before going to sleep.  It was a sure recipe for him to need to sleep on the couch.  Jaehee was persistent though, and he knew that if he tried to get out of it, she’d only keep pushing the point until he was angry again.

                “You weren’t waiting for me earlier,” he muttered.  He felt stupid and childish saying the words.  It sounded like he was sulking.  He wasn’t sulking, he reminded himself.  He just didn’t want to play second string to another man.

                “Earlier?” Jaehee repeated.  “You mean when I was watching the video?”  She chuckled.  “Marion, you know that I hate to be interrupted when I’m watching one of Zen’s recordings.” 

                “We had _just_ left the live show.”  Vanderwood rolled to his back, giving Jaehee an irritated look.  “The instant we got home, you forgot I was even alive.”

                “Oh, did I?  Is that why I know that you had eight cigarettes before you came in?” she countered. 

                “Nine.”

                “What?”

                “I had nine.  There was a half pack out there.  That’s ten.  There’s one left.  I had nine.” 

                “Marion,” Jaehee rebuked gently.  “Eight or nine, I was well aware of your location and what you were doing.  I assumed that if you were troubled, you’d talk to me about it when you were ready.  You were as prickly as you could be the entire drive home.  Every question I asked got met with monosyllabic responses.  I thought you needed space, so I gave you what I could of it.”  Jaehee pulled his arm over her shoulder and rested her head on his chest as she spoke.  “If you’re ready, I’m here to listen.  If you’re not, then I’m here to be near you.  Don’t act like I did something wrong though, hm?”

                Normally this move would have melted every ounce of resistance out of Vanderwood like shaved ice under a summer sun.  The feel of her head on his chest, the scent of her hair so close, the way her body fit perfectly under his arm when they lay this way, he had no resistance to any of it. 

                Tonight, he didn’t even try to resist, he just didn’t care.  He didn’t care that she was right there with him, right then.  He was still stung.  “And why do you think I was so tense on the ride home?” he challenged.

                “I’m not sure,” Jaehee admitted.  “Everything was fine before the show, and during it.  Then we got in the car, and it was like you couldn’t stand to speak to me.  I don’t know why you were tense.  I’ve been waiting for you to tell me.”

                Vanderwood couldn’t believe that she didn’t know what she’d been doing.  He sat up, dislodging her rudely.  “What man wouldn’t be tense after watching his partner throw herself at some airheaded ass who doesn’t know anyone exists unless they’re worshipping him!?” he snapped.  He stood, taking up a pillow.  “I’m sleeping on the couch.  It’s not safe for me to be in here tonight.  We can talk about it tomorrow if there’s anything to talk about.” 

                “What does that mean?” Jaehee asked.  “What do you mean if there’s anything to talk about?”  Her eyes flashed dangerously at him.  “And exactly when did I throw myself at Zen?  I assume that’s who you’re referring to?”

                “When haven’t you?” Vanderwood growled, ignoring the warning in her voice.  “Isn’t that how we met?  You pissed off some fan of his because you were always throwing yourself at him?” 

                Jaehee’s mouth hung open.  “You… you did not just…”

                Vanderwood felt ashamed.  That was a low blow.  It was lower because it wasn’t entirely true, just true enough to strike deep.  Nothing she’d done had been deserving of having her life threatened.  It didn’t matter if she’d been going home with Zen after his shows, she wouldn’t have deserved that.

                He stared at the floor, gripping his pillow in his fist.  He couldn’t look at Jaehee, not now.  Not after saying that, he couldn’t.

                “Maybe you’re right,” Jaehee said in a cold, measured tone.  “Maybe you should sleep on the couch tonight.  If you don’t want to, I will.” 

                “I’m sorry,” Vanderwood attempted.

                “Oh, you went so far beyond sorry just now.  Who the _hell_ do you think you are?  How _dare_ you!?” she spoke in that same voice.

                “I said I’m sorry.  I just, look, you …”

                “Goodnight, Marion,” she snapped, rolling to face away from him and turning off her lamp. 

                Vanderwood didn’t know whether he was angry, hurt, or ashamed anymore.  He slunk to the couch and laid in the darkness feeling like he’d just blown everything.  At the same time, how was he supposed to react?  She had been like this as long as he’d known her.  Her fervor for Zen shouldn’t leave him feeling excluded, shouldn’t leave him feeling invisible just because Zen showed up or was on the TV screen.  He went too far, but she’d been going too far all along.

                He turned, facing the back of the couch, unable to sleep.  When he closed his eyes, he saw Jaehee fawning over Zen.  When he kept his eyes open, his thoughts rambled on about how wrong she’d been, and then how wrong he’d been.  He was caught in hell, tormented by the three demons at once, and he didn’t know how to get out of it.

                Failing to sleep, or even find enough peace to consider resting, Vanderwood rose and returned to the balcony.  He only had the one cigarette left, he reminded himself on the way out.  He’d have to remember to buy more in the morning.

                He took up the pack and flipped the top open, and froze.  He knew that there had been ten left when he got home.  He had counted them.  How were there two left if he’d had nine?  He looked at the bedroom window, surprised to see the light on again.  Jaehee was awake again?

                Carrying the pack, Vanderwood went back inside.  He collected his pillow from the couch and opened the bedroom door.  He took a breath as he stepped through, bracing himself to beg Jaehee’s forgiveness.  He wasn’t willing to let go of the matter of her obsession, but he wasn’t going to make her wait for an apology, either.  That much he knew needed doing right then. 

                Jaehee sat on the bed, her knees pulled up under her chin.  She glanced up at Vanderwood as he came in but didn’t speak. 

                He didn’t need his training to gauge her mood.  She was angry and hurt, and he knew he was the reason for both.  Standing by the bed, he ran his free hand through his hair.

                “Look, I told you I was an ass.  I went too far.  You didn’t deserve that.  Also,” he flipped the pack of cigarettes at her.  “You were right.” 

                “Right about?” she asked, ignoring the pack as it tumbled to the bed beside her.

                “Eight, not nine.  There’s two in there.”

                “And you think that matters now?”

                “Probably not, but you’re right, you were watching me.  You were aware of me and what I was doing.  I wasn’t even aware enough to get it right.  I also wasn’t aware enough to know that you were keeping tabs on me.”  He sighed helplessly.  “I’m an ass.  I’m sorry, on all counts.” 

                Jaehee’s eyes narrowed as she weighed his apology against her own thoughts and feelings.

                Vanderwood felt like he was on trial.

                “Are you ready to tell me what all this is about in the first place?” she asked cautiously.

                He wasn’t, but now he didn’t have a choice.  If he didn’t talk to her now, the fight would only start again, and he’d make it all so much worse.  He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, uncertain whether he was truly welcome or not.

                “After the show, we went to see Zen.  He didn’t even say hello to me.  He flirted with you, though, right in front of me.”  The anger began to nudge its way forward again.  “You acted like you’d been acknowledged by the love of your life or something.  I didn’t even exist.” 

                Jaehee sat up, crossing her legs and watching Vanderwood in surprise.  “You were jealous?  Is that what this is about?” 

                “If it was only this time, I wouldn’t care,” Vanderwood defended.  “But it’s always like this around him.  I feel like I interrupted something between you.  He speaks, and you act star-struck and lose all sense.  He even tried to give me some speech when you moved in, like he didn’t trust me to be around you.  He’s always going on about himself.  I don’t see what you see in him in the first place.  He’s just an actor!” 

                “No, he’s not “just” an actor.  He’s one of the rising stars of the nation.  It’s exciting to be close to him and watch him move forward.  It’s exciting because I enjoy his acting and singing.  It’s exciting because I’m watching my _friend_ succeed at chasing his dreams.  I don’t get that chance.  My dreams are benched, possibly for life, so I take the enjoyment of his success and let myself have that little bit.”  Jaehee scooted closer to Vanderwood before she continued. 

                “As for how he acts about us living together, he’s like that with everyone.  You never saw how horrified he was when MC took off with Saeyoung.  He practically accused Saeyoung of kidnapping and a hundred other unbelievable things.  I don’t know why he does it, but it’s not just me, or you, it’s how he is with _every_ woman he knows personally.

                And you did not interrupt anything.  Honestly, Marion, where would you get such an idea?  Do you think me so feckless that I’d just dump one man and move on to the next just because I saw a new face?  It’s more than a little insulting.”

                Vanderwood stared at his leg in shame as Jaehee clarified things for him.  He should have just talked to her instead of getting angry, and jealous, if that’s what this strange emotional stew was.  He felt her hand over his and looked up sadly. 

                “Marion,” she said, more gently now.  “I moved in with you.  I came home tonight, with you.  I’m sitting on _our_ bed, talking to you.  What does that tell you about where I want to be?” 

                Vanderwood couldn’t have felt more like the biggest jerk on the planet if he had tried.  He shrugged.  “I am sorry about what I said earlier.  I was out of line.” 

                “You were, but I accept the apology, on the condition that you never go there again.”

                “No, I won’t.” 

                “Marion, what will it take for you to believe that this is real?  You were ready to walk away after the camping trip.  You were ready to walk away the night you had that first nightmare.  Now you act like you were wondering if you should be here, yet again.  Is there anything I can do that will make you stop doubting?  I can’t go on like this forever.  I’m not ready to leave, but it has to stop.”

                Vanderwood measured his height and found he’d shrunk down to about two inches tall.  She was right.  He’d been ready to run all along.  His own fear of not being deserving of her was constantly in their way.  If he hadn’t been afraid that he didn’t deserve her, he wouldn’t have cared who tried to flirt with her.

                “I don’t know, babe.  Maybe I’m just too messed up.  I’m trying, but you know I’ve never had a real relationship before.  I feel like I’m making stupid, high school level mistakes.  You’re always waiting for me to catch up.  It’s not fair to you,” Vanderwood berated himself.  He looked up to find Jaehee’s face only a few inches from his own.

                Jaehee leaned in and kissed him, softly.

                Vanderwood felt like his heart would break from the tenderness of it.  He’d hurt her.  He’d been such an ass, all night, and here she was, still accepting him.

                She broke the kiss and slid back toward her side of the bed, patting the space beside her.  “Come here, Marion,” she said softly, stretching out on her side.

                Vanderwood crossed the space and folded his arms around her, cradling her tenderly.  “I don’t deserve you, babe,” he murmured.

                Jaehee lifted her head and smiled slowly.  “That is, thankfully, not something you get to decide.  I get to decide if you deserve me, and one bad night isn’t going to make me say you don’t deserve me.  I do think, however, that I need to do something about your concerns about where I want to be.”  She trailed a finger up the inside of his thigh.  Watching his face, she smirked slightly.  “You just stay right here, Marion Vanderwood.  I’m going to show you all the things I’ve never considered doing to Zen.” 

                By the time Jaehee had finished expressing that sentiment, Vanderwood’s mind was scrambled.  He didn’t know where she’d learned all those tricks, but he didn’t care.  He didn’t even feel bad anymore.  However foolish he’d been through the evening leading up to this, he had no doubt about Jaehee’s loyalty to him left, and no energy with which to feed his own feelings of being undeserving.  He just felt desired in ways he didn’t know a man could feel, and a deep peace followed him into his dreams. 

               


	5. Day 5: Perspectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehee's thoughts and memories of the relationship with Vanderwood.

                Jaehee let her eyes wander around the small, sparsely furnished waiting area. Mountains, a stream, a forest, and an abstract piece in warm colors; each hung on the walls in narrow metal frames, just like every office.  Marion was with his therapist, and had asked Jaehee to wait with him this time. 

                The request was uncommon, but not exceptional.  He generally asked her to be present when he was expecting a difficult session, or when he wanted to have the therapist help him talk to her.  She never asked which it was.  To her, being trusted when he was so vulnerable was too precious to ask why he wanted her there.

                Their relationship hadn’t been easy.  Neither of them had much experience.  Both of them had their damage from their lives.  More than once she’d been furious with him, and he with her.  When they did fight, it was spectacular, she admitted with a wry chuckle.  They were both stubborn people, it wasn’t the best combination possible.

They were also absolutely crazy about one another.  When Jaehee wasn’t at work, they were together.  They rarely spent a moment apart, and often maintained physical contact when they were together.

                It had surprised Jaehee to find that she enjoyed that contact so much.  She hadn’t thought she was someone who would be called “cuddly,” but there it was.  When they cooked dinner, they touched one another, hugged, and snuck kisses as they worked.  When they watched TV, they sat on the couch, her back against his side and his arm over her.  Even when reading, at opposite ends of the couch, they’d end up with their feet entangled.  If they left their home, they held hands.  It was as if they were trying to make up for the decades spent without affection.

                He’d told her, the day they became an “official couple” that he was an ass.  He wasn’t joking, she thought with a grin.  Marion had said and done things that she’d never dreamed anyone capable of doing.  Yet, he always came back with a sincere apology, and then put in the effort to change so that he didn’t repeat the mistake.

                She remembered the day they’d met.  He stepped into her apartment and she was certain she was going to trip, even though she wasn’t walking at the moment.  Zen was an ethereal beauty, but Marion had stolen her breath and every sense in her head.  His dark blonde hair fell as he pulled out a hair tie, and Jaehee was sure she’d fallen with it.

                She remembered catching him singing as she watched Zen’s performance that night.  He’d been adorable, denying that he’d been singing.  He’d smashed through her door to protect her, and she’d been relieved to not be the one he was coming for.  At the same time, she knew in that instant, he was there to save her, he’d come for her, ready to fight to the death to defend her. 

                They had only met that day.  No one had ever shown that much concern for Jaehee before that very moment.  As crazy as it sounded to her, even now, she knew that was the moment when she’d fallen in love with him. 

                Her heart surged and she knew that he would be in danger if she didn’t stop her attacker.  She wouldn’t allow that to happen.  She moved quickly, disarming and dropping the intruder before Marion could act.  He had come to defend her, but the sudden desire to protect him had spurred her to action.

                She remembered every date they’d been on.  It was so novel, even now, eight months into the relationship, to have someone who enjoyed her presence so much.  It unsettled her, but also left her feeling like she was flying every time he smiled at her.

                At first, she’d been sure that this man with his towering confidence would never care for her.  She was nothing.  She was just a shell of a human who worked and paid bills.  That was why she got so angry when Saeyoung had teased her about being an android.  His teasing had hit a bit too close to how she felt about herself, how she didn’t want to feel about herself.

                Then she learned, his confidence was limited.  He was confident with his gun, or the taser he so often threatened Saeyoung with.  He was confident in making plans and executing those plans.  He was beyond confident when they sparred.

                He was insecure about the scars he carried, and how he’d gotten them.  He was insecure about being good enough for her, always needing reassurance that he was wanted and valuable.  He was insecure about the things he’d done in the past, and how tainted his hands were.  He was insecure about so many things, and often seemed incapable of valuing himself at all.  That was something they shared, being uncertain about how to value themselves.

                Jaehee shifted in the hard seat and looked up at the clock on the wall.  The second hand jolted around with unapologetic clicks as it marked the passage of time.  Marion had gone into the office about twenty minutes ago.  If he was going to have her come in, the therapist would open the door soon.

                When the door didn’t open, Jaehee let herself slip back into her thoughts.  She remembered Marion asking her to move in with him.  He’d been so shy about it. 

                “Babe,” he said hesitantly.  “Can I ask you something?”

                Jaehee had expected a question about something he wanted to try in bed, or perhaps about her thoughts on a matter.  “Sure, what’s on your mind?” she’d answered innocently.

                “I’ve been thinking, and if you think it’s too soon, I get it.  You don’t have to say yes right away.”

                Jaehee’s heart froze in her chest.  Was he about to propose?  She hadn’t even thought about the idea!  She wasn’t sure yet!

                “I really hate the nights we don’t spend together,” Marion continued.  “It doesn’t feel right, not being with you.  I thought, well, we live clear across town from one another, and I know this place is closer to work for you, but would you…”  He had paused, swallowing hard enough Jaehee heard the gulp.  “Would you consider moving in with me?  If you don’t like my place, we can find another place.  I just don’t want to be away from you anymore.” 

                She’d seen the way his eyes shifted to the side, as if he were waiting for a rejection.  She knew the way that fear felt, intimately.  The relief over not being proposed to was swept to the side with the elation that followed Marion’s declaration of wanting to be with her.  Jaehee hugged him tightly as she replied, “Your place is wonderful.  I’m sure we’ll be happy there.” 

                “You’ll, really?  You’ll move in?” he gasped in surprise.

                “We need to make plans, and my lease isn’t up for another two months here, but yes.  I would love to share a home with you, Marion.”  Jaehee had blushed then, at the words “share a home.”  She hadn’t ever thought anyone would want to share a home with her.  She wasn’t disappointed with how she felt right then, but it was unnerving to be quite so suddenly excited.

                Marion had been equally excited, and Jaehee had been late to work the next morning.

                What would she do, she wondered, if he ever did propose to her though?  She couldn’t honestly imagine sharing her life with anyone else.  For all his faults, Marion had been wonderful to her.  He never missed an anniversary.  He always made sure she had the best seats for Zen’s performances, and always on opening night.  Once, he’d even surprised her with tickets to the closing night of a show she’d been especially enthusiastic about.

                His jealousy over her relationship with Zen had mellowed, and Jaehee assumed that his therapist had a hand in that.  Still, it wouldn’t have improved if he hadn’t wanted it to.  She knew, without asking, he worked on it because he wanted their relationship to work.

                Marriage was a commitment she was hesitant about though.  She thought it only right to hesitate before making such an important decision.  She didn’t want to end up in a marriage that was unhappy, or to face a divorce.  The idea of losing Marion so utterly made her heart clench.  She couldn’t imagine them hating one another so much, but many couples started out well and still parted on bad terms.

                Would she say yes if he proposed?  She wondered what she would do.  It was likely too early to be thinking about such a permanent commitment, but perhaps it was time to start weighing things in that light.

                With or without marriage, she was happier than she’d ever been in her life, and told him so daily.  He wasn’t a sweet, safe, gentle sort of man.  He was full of jagged edges and sharp angles inside.  She’d gotten hurt on them a few times.  Yet, he was also the man who lit her world up like a mid-day sun erupting into a midnight sky.  She always felt safe with him, even when they argued.  She felt loved, protected, desired, and _wanted._   If not Marion, who else would it possibly be?

                The door to the therapist’s office opened and Marion stepped out.  He was tying his hair back and smiled at Jaehee.  Her heart skipped enough beats she wasn’t sure it would restart.

                “As I said, I have a few minutes, if you’d like to have me on hand,” the therapist was saying.  “I think you’ll do fine, though.”  She smiled encouragingly.

                “Nah, I think I can handle it now.  Thanks again,” he responded. 

                The therapist smiled her approval and nodded politely at Jaehee before closing her door.

                Standing, Jaehee waited for Marion to join her.  “Everything okay?” she asked. 

                “Yeah, it’s good.”  He gave her a quick hug before tilting his head to the doorway to the hall.

                Jaehee walked out to the car, her hand in his.  She noted that he was quiet, but that was not unusual after one of his sessions.  Sometimes he needed several hours to think over things before he would open up again.

                As he drove toward the condo, she saw that he was wringing the life out of the steering wheel.  Clearly something was on his mind.  She watched his face as it flickered from half-smiles to concerned brow-creasing.  She wondered what had him so lost in thought.

                “Do you mind if I talk to Jumin for a few when I take you to work tomorrow?” he asked abruptly.

                “I, no, I don’t mind.  If you’re going to ask for time off for me again, though, can you just tell me the dates?  You know that since the camping trip, Mr. Han has been much more accommodating about requests for time off.” 

                “Hm, it is, but it’s not only that.”  He glanced away from the road to flash a secretive smile at her. 

                “What are you up to now?” she asked, almost giggling.

                “You’ll find out when it’s time,” he answered, fixing his eyes on the road again.  The smile didn’t fade as he continued driving.

                “Marion?  Please tell me what you’re up to,” she begged.

                His only response was to wink at her and begin humming a quiet tune to himself.


	6. Day 6: Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood lets Jaehee know what he wants from her.

                Vanderwood kissed Jaehee on the cheek as he left her at her desk and walked toward Jumin’s office.  He still hadn’t told her what he was up to yet.  It was driving her crazy, and he was enjoying watching her try to weasel her way into getting him to tell her.  He just laughed and reminded her that he’d been trained to withstand torture, leaving Jaehee sulking at him.

                He knocked on the door and waited. 

                Jumin opened the door and motioned Vanderwood in.  “Good morning, Vanderwood,” Jumin greeted him.  “What can I do for you?” he asked.

                “Morning, Jumin,” Vanderwood said, returning the greeting.  “I want to talk to you, but I need you to be sure not to say anything to Jaehee about our conversation.  I’d also like to ask if I can take you up on an offer you made a while ago.” 

                “Oh?”  Jumin’s eyebrows arched as he settled into the seat behind his desk.  “I can certainly keep our conversation private, but what favor are you referring to?” 

                “Back after Saeyoung and I got back with his brother, you offered to let us use one of your vacation homes if we needed to get away from things.  I’d like to use one next weekend.  I’d also like to ask that you give Jaehee a four day weekend for that trip.”  Vanderwood didn’t sit.  He knew he wasn’t going to be comfortable in a very short moment. 

                “Of course,” Jumin agreed easily.  “Assistant Kang is far more productive when she has time away, I’ve noticed.  It has been a few months since your last vacation.  I approve.”

                “Thanks,” Vanderwood nodded, feeling an edge of relief.  He wasn’t going to need to deal with another round of questioning.

                “Will you need a full staff on hand, or will a cook and a maid suffice?” Jumin asked, taking up a pen and making a note.

                Vanderwood hadn’t thought about anyone else being in the house.  He’d prefer that they be alone, but maybe Jaehee would like to be waited on for a change.  He considered the options.  “Do you have someone who could do both?”

                “Hmm, I don’t know anyone by name, but I can ask.  I’m sure there are people who are skilled in both areas.”  Looking up at the broad shouldered ex-agent, Jumin asked, “Which house would you prefer?  I have five, and the yacht.”

                Vanderwood blinked.  Five houses to choose from, or a yacht?  How was he supposed to know which to choose? 

                “Let me ask this way,” Jumin offered.  “What are your plans for the weekend?  Would you prefer to be near water, a farm, the mountains, the ocean, or in the city?” 

                The options didn’t help Vanderwood decide at all.  He frowned, wondering if he should let Jaehee choose.

                Jumin waited quietly until it was clear that Vanderwood had no ready answer.  “You don’t want Jaehee to know anything about this trip except the dates, am I correct?” 

                “Yeah, I’d prefer that she not know.”

                “Is this for a special event, an anniversary or celebration?”

                “Well,” Vanderwood sighed and reached for the inside pocket of his jacket.  Retrieving a small box, he set it on Jumin’s desk.  “It’s not an anniversary yet, but I’m hoping it’ll be one.” 

                Jumin tilted his head to the side in surprise and a slight smile snuck onto his face.  He took the box, opening it gently and surveying the contents.  He glanced at Vanderwood, nodding in appreciation before closing the box and returning it.

                “I see,” he smiled.  “You have excellent taste, and I think Assistant Kang will be pleased with your choice.  Pending the outcome, I have a condition to place on allowing you to use the home.”

                “What condition?” Vanderwood asked, narrowing his eyes as his habit of distrust snapped into play. 

                Jumin smirked.  “When your offer is accepted, I want to pay for everything.  Assistant Kang has no family that I’m aware of, and it’s the responsibility of her family to meet such expenses.  While she is my employee, I think we can agree that she and I have worked closely enough over these years to be family.  I’ll make sure everything is exactly as she wishes it.” 

                It was Vanderwood’s turn to be surprised.

                Jumin rose and stepped around his desk to clap Vanderwood on the back.  “You’ve been good for her so far, Vanderwood.  I had my reservations about someone from your past, I admit.  You’ve done well though.  All I ask is that you continue to take care of her.  She deserves it.” 

                Vanderwood smiled at that.  “Yeah, she does.  All I can promise is I’ll do my best.”

                Jumin nodded in response, still smiling.  “And don’t worry.  She won’t hear anything from me about your plans.  I’ll suggest the beach house.  The sunsets are beautiful and there’s a deck overlooking the water.  Give me the time you want to leave, I’ll send a car as well, if you like.” 

                Vanderwood found himself chuckling.  Jumin was pretty excited about all this.  He might be a slave driver as a boss, but he was a generous and caring friend.

                “I’ll drive, I just need the address.  One of your cars showing up would likely ruin the surprise.” 

                “Hmm, you have a point.”  Jumin shrugged.  “Well, just tell me if there is anything else I can do to make sure your preparations go smoothly.”

                “I will,” Vanderwood promised, extending his hand.  Jumin’s firm grip transmitted his excitement as they shook hands.

                “Thank you,” Jumin said as he opened the door for Vanderwood.

                “For?” Vanderwood asked, seeing Jaehee approaching. 

                “For including me.  I wish you the best with your endeavors.”  Jumin turned as Jaehee arrived at workday. 

                “Assistant Kang,” Jumin addressed her, switching gears smoothly.  “Did you bring the Carson report?  Also, what happened with the R&D productivity report?  I can’t find it.  It was due yesterday.  Oh, and I also need the revised contracts for the meeting this afternoon.” 

                Jaehee looked stunned for a moment as Vanderwood walked by, winking at her, but leaving without speaking.  Jumin’s rapid-fire questions and requirements drew her back into the business of the workday. 

                Vanderwood slid into the driver’s seat of his car and smiled, taking the box from his pocket again.  He didn’t open it.  He just held it, tracing the edge with his thumb.  Looking at the box, even closed, made his heart race and filled him with anxiousness. 

He’d been working on how to handle this for a month, and only had the idea to use one of Jumin’s houses last week.  It had been his therapist’s idea, not his, but it was a damn fine idea.  He slid the box back into his jacket.  Nervousness aside, he was excited.

The days passed quickly.  Jaehee stopped asking about the surprise when Vanderwood told her he’d secured the beach house so they could take a long weekend together.  He was amused that she seemed to think the trip to a special location was the cause of all his secrecy, but he didn’t give any hint that there was more to come. 

The morning of the trip, he slid the box into the bottom of his bag.  As he zipped it shut, he thought about all the times he’d packed this bag differently.  This was the same bag he use to carry when going out on missions with Saeyoung.  It had held weapons, ammunition, medical gear, and a single change of clothing. 

Lifting the bag, he felt the difference in weight and found it to be an apt comparison to the differences in how he’d been before Jaehee, and how he was now.  In his previous life, it had been heavy, not only in physical weight, but in the mental and emotional weight that went with going to a mission.  Going on a mission meant a chance of not coming back.  It meant making sure that Seven made it back with him.

Now, there was no worry about not coming home.  Now, there was the uplifting knowledge that Jaehee would be coming home with him after her workday ended.  Now, he had packed several times for trips that were intended for leisure, for enjoyment.  Even the weight of the small box at the bottom of his bag was light in comparison.

Vanderwood shook his head at his musings and carried his bag to the door.  He waited on the couch for Jaehee to finish her shower.  When she finally joined him, her own bag hanging from her shoulder, he was reminded how amazing it was that a woman like this cared for him at all.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah, all set.  Did you forget anything?”

“Nothing critical, no,” she laughed lightly.

Vanderwood took the bag from her shoulder, kissed her cheek, and led the way down to the car.  They were finally on the way to the beach house.

The drive took several hours, including a stop for lunch along the way.  Jumin’s beach house was well away from any cities, and though there were other houses, none were within sight.  When they arrived they were met by a young woman who stated that she was present to cook and tend to the housework, and to please ask if they needed anything at all.  Tired from the drive, Vanderwood and Jaehee had a nap and spent the remaining hours of the afternoon walking along the beach. 

Vanderwood couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day and as they approached the house again, he turned to Jaehee.  “Babe, I hope you know how happy I am, being with you.”

Jaehee smiled at his words.  “I’m happy to be with you, too, Marion.” 

Vanderwood shook his head.  “No, I don’t mean just right now, walking like this.  This is great, don’t get me wrong.  I mean, everything about being with you.  You know me so well, better than I know myself sometimes, I think.”  He paused, searching for a way to explain.  “When I was with the agency, I had Saeyoung as a partner.  He knew me, sort of.  He knew what to expect from me when we were on a mission.  He knew what I expected of him.  We were partners, and more than once we ended up saving one another’s lives.

With you, though, it’s different.  With you, it’s like having a partner who knows everything about me.  It’s like when you know that I’m about to wake up, or how I like my coffee.  It’s when you know my mood even if I don’t say a word.”  He paused again, shaking his head.  “I’m glad you’re my partner, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

He watched the wind pass through Jaehee’s hair, ruffling the usually perfectly combed layers into adorable disorder.  If he hadn’t already felt breathless from the emotions he’d been riding all day, he would have been left breathless now.  She was so beautiful, so perfect for him.

Jaehee blushed and looked away.  “I’m… I’m glad, too, Marion.  I feel like you know me just as well.  I’d trust you over anyone in the world.” 

Vanderwood squeezed her hand, knowing how much that declaration of trust meant to Jaehee.  She didn’t trust anyone easily, and to have her utmost trust was precious beyond measure.  He kissed her, softly, as the ocean sent a salty, clean breeze to enfold them. 

Dinner was prepared and waiting when they reached the house.  The cook said that she would be setting the table on the deck and that they could begin their meal when they were ready.  Vanderwood went to wash up, pausing only long enough to open his bag.  He was sure this was what he wanted.  He slid the box back into his jacket with a prayer that it was what Jaehee would want, too.

Jumin had sent out a selection of wines to choose from, and two bottles of champagne.  Jaehee looked at the champagne in surprise, but chose a bottle of wine to compliment the meal.  After opening the bottle and ensuring that nothing more was needed, the cook disappeared into the house.

Vanderwood looked out at the sunset as it splashed color across the scattered clouds in the sky.  Jumin hadn’t been wrong about this being a beautiful location.  Vanderwood was beyond pleased with everything the house had to offer, including this sunset.

He and Jaehee sat at the table, first sharing their meal, and then talking until the moon had risen.  The light from the interior of the house bled onto the deck, but the moon seemed brighter still.  Finally, Vanderwood decided that he would make his move.

“Jaehee,” he spoke her name gently, as if afraid it would break if he said it too forcefully.  “What I said earlier, about you being my partner, you know that I meant it, right?”

“I do, yes,” she replied.  “I’m not always good at expressing how I feel, but I do know that you mean it, and I feel much the same.  You’re so good to me, Marion.  Not just because of weekends like this, but everything.  Even the way you ask me what I’d like to do for the evening when you pick me up from work, the way you make sure I see all of Zen’s performances even though you don’t care for him personally, everything is wonderful.”

Vanderwood thought his heart was going to crawl right up into his throat and cut off the air to his lungs.  He stood, stepping around the table to Jaehee’s side.  Her smile turned to confusion as he knelt.  Vanderwood found his hand trembling as he took the small box from his jacket.  He opened it and held it up to her.

“Jaehee Kang, you’ve changed everything about my life.  I expected to live my days out alone, likely bored to tears.  Since I met you, I’ve had excitement and peace, hope, and happiness.  You’ve banished my loneliness and shown me that I can be loved.  You’ve taught me that I can be a man worth loving.  I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you, but I can promise that I’ll never betray you.  You’re the partner I always needed.  Will you let me spend my life with you?  Will you marry me?” 

He looked at Jaehee’s eyes as they grew wide.  Her face grew pale and she looked like she might faint.  This was bad.  He’d miscalculated.  The most important moment of his life, one he never thought he’d get, and he was wrong.  He’d misjudged her.  He refused to move until she gave him her answer though.  When she started crying, he hated himself for doing this to her, but now asked, he couldn’t take the question back.

Jaehee nodded, slowly at first, then more quickly as she brushed the tears away from her face.  “Marion, yes!  Yes!  I … I don’t…”

Vanderwood blinked.  Had he heard correctly?  She’d said yes?  He vaulted into her arms, almost knocking her chair over in the process, and covered her face in kisses.  He felt Jaehee’s palm, warm and soft on his cheek as his lips finally found hers and locked to them. 

Leaning back only an inch or two from her face, he searched her eyes.  “You mean it?  You’ll marry me?”

Smiling and laughing now, Jaehee nodded again.  “I can’t imagine wanting to marry anyone else!  Yes, I’ll marry you.” 

Vanderwood pulled the ring from the box.  The slender band of white gold was inset with small rubies.  At the apex, a ring of diamonds sparkled brilliantly.  Nestled among them was a perfect, white pearl.  As he slid the ring on her finger, he noticed that the pearl seemed to glow in the moonlight, as if it were capturing the power of that celestial body.  He admired the way the ring looked on Jaehee’s hand for only a moment before pulling her from her chair and into his arms.

“I swear to you, babe, I will make you happy.”

“Marion, sweetheart, you already do,” she beamed in response.

They never made it back inside that night.  Instead they slept on a wide lounge, their naked bodies only covered by a light throw and the light of the moon as it sailed above them.

 

 


	7. Day 7: Opposites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanderwood's life couldn't be more different than it is as he recalls his life as an agent and prepares to move forward.

                “Vandy!  30 minutes!”  Saeyoung called, sticking his head into the dressing room just long enough to give his update before vanishing off to who knew where.

                Vanderwood scowled at his reflection.  He was damn well aware of the time, and that this damn tie was not cooperating with him.  Whoever thought up bow ties should be tased.

                His mind wandered as his reflection caught the faint remains of a scar in his eyebrow.

***

                “Thirty minutes, Vanderwood!” Seven’s voice called over the earpiece.  “If madam would kindly move forward, it would be of greatest help!” 

                “Shut the fuck up, Seven.  I’m working on it!” he had grumbled back.  He’d already had to take down eight men and was well aware that he was behind schedule.  At this rate he wasn’t going to make it to the target.  All their careful plans and all Seven’s skills at hacking through the security hadn’t prepared them for the fact that someone leaked their plans.  The bastards were waiting for them. 

                Vanderwood rounded a corner in the hall and found himself facing another group of four armed guards.  He hated this part of the job, he really did.  Still, if they were going to make him choose between whether he went home or they did, he was going home.  He dropped them all in a split second and stepped over the bodies.

***

                With an annoyed grunt, Vanderwood yanked the tie off again.  He ran it through his fingers, feeling the silk as it slid over his rough skin.  That was another life.  This life didn’t have guns and fights for survival, only a fight to get the tie straight.

                It wasn’t the first time he’d ever worn a bow tie.  He just couldn’t seem to stop fumbling the last step and then the whole damn thing went crooked on him.  Looking back into the mirror, he surveyed the tuxedo he now wore, minus the jacket.  He reached for a bottle of water before attempting the tie again.

***

                Vanderwood chatted with the attractive socialite, holding the champagne flute delicately.  Tonight he was just another rich son of the corporate elite.  He didn’t hear most of what his companion said.  His eyes were watching the room, and a specific member of the staff.

                A younger woman with long, red hair made her way through the crowded venue carrying a tray of drinks.  She had been absent for quite a long time and Vanderwood was pleased to see her return. 

He watched as she passed through, first emptying the tray of filled drinks, and then collecting empty drinks on her return.  She approached him and he quaffed the last of his drink.

                “I’ll take that if you’re done with it, sir,” she said sweetly extending a hand.

                “Yes, please do,” Vanderwood replied.  He passed her the drink and came away with a small USB drive.  Pocketing the device, he watched the girl until she retreated behind a door that would lead her to the kitchen.

                Vanderwood’s companion was still talking.  She was saying something about another famous person he was supposed to know, but didn’t. 

He also didn’t care.  He could finally leave this place and the vapid conversation.  Excusing himself, he found the door and handed over the little metal tag that would send a carhop for “his” car.

                When he pulled away, he drove just beyond the lights and waited.  The waitress opened the passenger door and slid into the seat.  She deposited a backpack at her feet before fastening her seatbelt.

                “How exciting,” she crooned.  “To think that I’d meet a handsome, rich, young playboy while working at a party and he’d offer me a ride home!”

                Vanderwood rolled his eyes as the car reached the street.  “Shut up Seven, and lose the wig.  What took you so long?”

                The girl snickered, smoothing her hair over her shoulder.  “There was a guest who picked the wrong room to be naughty in.  I had to hide in the closet!  It was awful, but I’m better now,” she paused, giggling.  “I’m out of the closet now.” 

                “You’ve waited all night to say those words, haven’t you?” Vanderwood groaned.

                “Aw, Vandy, you know it was perfect!” the girl’s voice deepened, becoming more masculine.  “When else would I get to use it?”

                “When you got dressed in that get up, when you got out the equipment, when you…”

                Pulling the wig off, Seven laughed uproariously.  “And it was perfect every time!” 

                Vanderwood sighed and rolled his eyes.  The night could have been worse.  He’d been worried when Seven hadn’t come back as quickly as expected.  He was afraid the entire mission was about to go upside down.  Another couple of minutes, he’d have been looking for the goofy kid in the passenger seat.  It always bothered him, no matter how little danger a mission had.  He had to be sure the kid made it out, it was his own promise to himself.

***

                “Hey, Vanderwood,” Saeran knocked at the door as he opened it.  “Sae sent me to tell you…”

                “Yeah, 15 minutes, I know,” Vanderwood sighed.

                “You need anything?”

                Vanderwood looked at the pale haired copy of his partner.  “Nah, I’m good.”  Then, as Saeran began to close the door he asked, “Wait, would you find Jumin and ask him to come by?” 

                “I think he was talking to Jaehee,” Saeran answered.  “I’ll find him.”

                Vanderwood nodded, taking up the tie again.  He was going to get this thing straight if it killed him.  All those missions hadn’t succeeded.  This tie was not going to get the best of him, not today.

***

                “Seven!  Wake up!” Vanderwood shouted.  He tore a strip of cloth from his sleeve and tied it around his partner’s leg.  Blood still seeped through, but at least it wasn’t gushing out now.  “Seven!  Come on, you have to wake up!” 

                “Van..der… wood…” Seven slurred.  “Saeran… V… tell V…”

                “Shh, don’t talk, just keep your eyes open.  Stay with me.”  He watched the hole where the bullet had gone into Seven’s leg.  It was still bleeding too fast. 

Pulling out his taser, he dropped the battery from it.  It wasn’t ideal, but it was all he had.  He tied the tails of the cloth around the device and started twisting.  If he didn’t stop the bleeding, he would be the only one going home tonight.

“Where the fuck is the extraction team!” he growled as he tied the makeshift tourniquet into place.

***

                “You asked for me?” Jumin spoke, smiling as he entered the dressing room. 

                “Yeah,” Vanderwood grumbled.  “Swear to god I can tie one of these damn things on in my sleep, but I can’t get this one to stop going crooked!  Mind giving me a hand?”

                Jumin chuckled.  “Not at all.”  He took the tie from Vanderwood and slid the strip of cloth into place.  “If you could tie this on properly today, I’d wonder if you were taking things seriously.”  His hands flickered in and out of Vanderwood’s view as he knotted the tie.

                Stepping back, Jumin clapped Vanderwood on the shoulder.  “There you go.”  He watched as Vanderwood checked his reflection, giving the bow an experimental tug.  “How are you holding up otherwise?  Want a drink before you do this?”

                “Never drink before a mission,” Vanderwood said quietly.

                “Ah, perhaps a good axiom to live by in your previous life, but not necessary in this situation.”

                Vanderwood smirked.  “This will be my last mission.  I’ll go into it as sober as all the others.”

                Jumin smiled in understanding.  “In case you’re wondering, she’s quite lovely today.”

                “Nah, Jumin, she’s lovely every day.” 

                “Yes, I’d noticed that once or twice.  You’re a very lucky man, Vanderwood.  Jaehee is easily the brightest and most capable person I’ve ever worked with.”

                “I know how lucky I am,” Vanderwood chuckled.  “I’m just hoping that I don’t break anything until after she signs the papers.”

                Jumin laughed at that.  “I will not share that comment with her, for your sake.  You just sounded like me when I’m signing a contract with someone and I’m afraid they’ll bolt before the ink dries!” 

                “I’m afraid she’ll come to her senses is all,” Vanderwood laughed.  “One of these days she’s going to wake up and realize she can do better.  I just hope it’s not until after the wedding!” 

                “And is that truly how you feel, Vanderwood?” Jumin asked, the laughter fading from his eyes as he frowned seriously.  “You feel that she can do better, or that you’re not good enough for her?”

                Vanderwood shrugged as he took up the coat to his suit. 

                Jumin took the coat and held it for him.  “If I had judged you to be less than suitable,” Jumin admitted, “there are many ways in which I could have hindered your relationship with my assistant.  Among them are moving her to another location altogether.”  His fingers brushed Vanderwood’s shoulders, smoothing the black fabric.  “I think we’ve come to know one another well enough, over the course of your relationship, that you should know, I find you to be a perfectly suitable match for Jaehee.  You’re intelligent, sincere, and you treat her properly.  I would not say any of this if I didn’t mean it.  I may not have the experience of finding someone I wish to spend my life with, but I will warn you, if you doubt yourself, it will become a stumbling block in your marriage.  Don’t do that to yourself, Vanderwood.  Don’t do that to Jaehee either.

                Vanderwood looked up into Jumin’s dark eyes.  The sincerity of his speech shone like black diamonds.  Vanderwood felt a little foolish for doubting himself, and for letting Jumin see through his jests.

                Jumin smiled again as Vanderwood closed the last button on the coat, and slid the boutonniere into place.  “Shall we make our way to the sanctuary?  I believe you have an appointment to keep.” 

                “Yeah, I hear it’s bad form to keep a lady waiting at a time like this.”

                The two men left the dressing room, turning down the long hallway to the chapel.

***

                Vanderwood walked slowly, looking for a way out.  The hallway was narrow, lacking windows or doors.  Walls of grey-painted concrete left him with only the option of moving forward.

                His head ached miserably and he was sure that the dampness he felt in his hair was blood.  His hands were cuffed behind him and the muzzle of a gun was pressed between his shoulder blades.  He had fucked up, badly. 

                If he hadn’t moved though, Seven would have been dead.  He didn’t know where his partner was now.  He had seen someone tackle him, but then a forceful blow to the side of his own head had knocked him senseless. 

                This was it, the last mission.  This was the one he wouldn’t come back from.  Vanderwood was pissed, but also accepting of the death he knew awaited him.  He was tired.  He’d been with the agency for over 15 years.  He stopped counting how many missions he was sent on, there were just too many.  Death at least meant not having to take the next one.

                A man with a black ski mask opened a door at the end of the hallway as Vanderwood approached.  He was shoved into a small cell.  He could sit, somewhat.  There wasn’t even enough room to lay down.  Ah, so it wasn’t to be an immediate death.  That was disappointing.

                He lost track of time, sitting alone in the dark.  The silence of the long corridor and the small room chewed at his thoughts.  He wondered mostly about whether Seven had escaped.  He hoped the kid had made it out.  He gave Vanderwood heart-failure more often than not, and could be irritating, but Vanderwood had finished raising him.  He’d done his best to make sure the young man was capable of surviving the world that trapped them.

                A muffled sound broke the silence of the cell.  Vanderwood pulled his cramped legs up, crouching in hope of a chance to escape.  He heard a thump against the steel door, and then the keys turning in the lock.  The door opened and he sprang forward, into open space. 

                Reflexively, he rolled and spun to face whoever had opened the door.  His jaw dropped.

                Panting, blood running from at least four wounds, a gun hanging limply from his fingers, Seven leaned on the wall beside the cell.  “Hey, Vandy.  Glad I found you,” he said with a smile. “I was afraid I was too late.”

                Vanderwood pulled himself to his feet.  He’d never been so happy to see this kid, no, this man, before.  He could have left, he could have saved himself, but instead he came back.  He came back to save Vanderwood, and took the roughest way through to do it, from the look of things.

                “The hell!  Seven!  You were supposed to get out!” he scolded.  “What are you doing here?”

                “Well, you didn’t leave me behind before, so I figured…”

                Shaking his head Vanderwood held out his hand.  “Give me the gun, Seven.  You’re done with it for tonight.  Let’s go home.” 

                Seven held the gun out, relief flooding his features.  He hated killing more than Vanderwood did. 

                Vanderwood knew he’d never make this up to Seven, and that he had to be sure he never let things go so badly that Seven had to pull that trigger again.  He was a killer now, he didn’t need to let Seven be one.

***

                Jumin waited by the door to the sanctuary.  He held it open for Vanderwood, smiling.

                Vanderwood felt his mouth go dry.  All the missions he’d handled, and now was when he got nervous?  It really was a different life, now. 

                He had faced down so many enemies that wanted to take his life, and now he found his hand trembling at facing the woman who had already taken his heart. 

                He stepped through the door into the lavish flowers and bunting that decorated the sanctuary.  Guests were already filling the seats, speaking in a low murmur that echoed against the walls.  An organ played softly in the background, filling the air with gentle melodies.

                As Vanderwood stepped up to the altar, Saeyoung appeared at his elbow.  He said nothing, which was unusual for the red-headed man, but his smile was broader than Vanderwood had seen before.  Well, barring the event of Seven’s own wedding to MC.  Behind Seven, Jumin took his place, and behind Jumin, Yoosung appeared; the only men Vanderwood knew well enough to stand with him today.

                He tugged nervously at the front of his tuxedo until the organist paused, and then began playing the opening sounds of the wedding music Jaehee had chosen.  Now there was nothing subtle about the music.  It drowned the audience and silenced all the voices.  The priest stepped up to the altar with a quick nod to Vanderwood as the doors of the sanctuary spilled open.

                Two little girls led the way, scattering blossoms as they walked shyly down the length of the aisle.  Behind them, a young boy carried a cushion with two matching rings tied on it in a white satin bow.  As the children reached the altar, MC stepped through the door, carrying flowers.

                Saeyoung took in a sharp breath, and Vanderwood understood the reaction.  MC was beautiful.  Her hair was pulled up in in a complicated twist and dotted with baby’s breath.  She blushed, looking only at Saeyoung as she walked down the aisle.  Two other women, chosen from Jaehee’s coworkers, followed. 

                When the ladies had taken their places, opposite the men, the organist shifted songs again.  This time, the wedding march blasted from the pipes as if the song were intent on announcing to the world, “Jaehee is coming!  It’s time for the wedding to begin!” 

                If he took a single breath from the moment Jaehee appeared in the doorway, until she stood only a few feet away, Vanderwood couldn’t say.  Her hair was twisted and curled into small ringlets that framed her face behind her veil.  The dress had a train so long, there were two people carrying the end of it.  The flowers were a riotous explosion of multicolored roses.  She walked so slowly, her hand resting on Zen’s arm as he escorted her to the altar, Vanderwood was afraid his heart would give out before she made it.

                “Who gives this woman, that she be wed?” the priest called.

                Zen smiled at Vanderwood and gave him a brief nod.  “I do,” he called back to the priest.  His voice carried as well in the sanctuary as it did from a stage, bringing a few gasps from the audience.  He turned, hugging Jaehee gently as he lifted her veil just enough to kiss Jaehee’s cheek.  “Congratulations,” he murmured, stepping back and finding his seat nearby.

                Jaehee crossed the few, final steps to stand beside Vanderwood at the altar.  She looked up at him, her blushing cheeks obvious beneath the veil.

                Vanderwood had no words as he looked down at her.  Everything about his life had turned since the day he’d met her.  It was as if someone picked him up and put him on a path moving in the opposite direction from the one he’d been on.

                That someone was Jaehee Kang, and Vanderwood knew he would spend every day for the rest of his life in love with the angel beside him, who had saved him.


End file.
